Last evening, I ran into a guy I hadn’t seen in some time. He and I had been friends and then dated briefly in the somewhat recent past. We agreed early on that the chemistry wasn’t there, and we didn’t pursue a deeper relationship. So, we greeted each other last night with the conventional “catch up” questions.’After we’d talked awhile, things got quiet as we both reflected within our separate spaces and preoccupations. Then, seemingly out of the blue, this guy turned to me and said “You are a good person, [name]”. When he said it, he looked squarely at me–even if only for a moment. By his expression, I could tell he meant it sincerely: It was a compliment. It wasn’t pity. He said this to me following a conversation about the Mars – Venus mystery, during which I told him that I felt that I was not the enigma in this scenario. I had admitted to this guy that I just don’t understand what men want. Even though I’d had what I felt was an extremely successful first date this past weekend – and I sensed that the feeling was mutual, the guy seems to have disappeared. (Maybe he’s encountered an explosive device within the past week. It’s as if he’s vanished in a pink mist.)
I was grateful my guy friend seemed to care enough to say something that could make me feel like all isn’t lost. After all, he knew almost as well as I did that my date from this past weekend was my first date in at least two – and possibly three – years. (In other words, it has been so long that I don’t really know how long it has been since my last date....I think you know how that is.)
Okay, so I’m happy that I’m not thought of as a “bad person” (by at least one person in this world, anyway). The question I have swirling around in my head like an F5 tornado is “Why isn’t it getting me anywhere in my love life?”
What is possibly most disturbing about my friend’s comment is this: I have flashbacks to “the moment(s)” when at least two of my major relationships have ended. When I have been “the endee”, that is, the guy has started [the beginning of the end] with something along the line of “You are one of the nicest girls I’ve ever dated” or “I couldn’t ask for anyone to treat me better than you have treated me”. Of course, each time this revelation is inevitably followed by a monumental “but”. (I guess you could call this the “but” that ended all “but’s”. Forgive me for that last remark: I almost can’t write it without laughing out loud. However, a person must keep a sense of humor about these things or they’ll go crazy.)
I’d really like for someone to tell me: Do guys just want someone to treat them like dirt? (I’ve wondered if Sherry Argov’s book “Why Men Love Bitches” could have any compelling answers.)
I doubt it’s possible to change my personality at this late point. Actually, I don’t think I’d want to do it if it were possible. I’m also not likely to start throwing guys against walls [as if I’m strong enough to do that!] in order to have companionship, whether for the short or the long term.
Now, if a member of the male species could get back to me with an answer to my question (hopefully sooner rather than later), then I’ll know whether or not it’s necessary for me to buy a double burial plot. The older I get and the more often I hear that I am a “good” person, the more I believe that I will likely die alone. This is one time I may have to forego the “buy one and get the second for half price” deal. Seriously, guys: Get back to me with that answer.
