Dear Sugar,
Last year I met an incredible man who I love dearly. Our relationship was finally one where I knew that I had found someone I could love. We had (and still have) an incredible connection; he’s my best friend.
We recently broke up because he might be moving within the year and he felt that it would be easier to make the decision without taking someone else’s feelings into account. It was traumatic for both of us, but we both want to be a part of each other’s lives, so we decided to remain good friends. We are in touch almost daily, see each other weekly, and he’s confessed that he misses being with me. He calls to say hi because something reminded him of me, and I’ve never had anyone I’ve broken up with do this before.
I’m torn between doing what’s logical and doing what my heart tells me to. It has been so long since I’ve felt this way about any man I’ve dated, and I want to confess that I still love him and want to enjoy our time together while we have it, but I’m scared of ruining our friendship if he decides that our decision was for the best. I’m going crazy keeping this to myself.—Just Friends Julie
Dear Just Friends Julie,
While I understand the fear of losing your friendship, what you have is much more than a friendship—you’re in love with him! Typically when couples break up, they don’t carry on a relationship as close as you and your ex have, and from listening to you describe his actions, it’s pretty clear that he’s not over you either. Sure, if he moves away it will be incredibly difficult to lose him, but you never know what could happen within that year. You say you’ve never felt this way before, so why chance letting him get away? If I were you, I’d go out on that limb and tell him how you feel.
If he wants to remain just friends, I advise you to keep a lot more distance than you are now. If you continue to talk daily and see each other weekly, it won’t feel like you’re broken up. Follow your heart, Julie: You’ll never know what could have been if you keep your feelings to yourself. Good luck.
