Mary Lou also offers some interesting thoughts about how our expectations of relationships are changing. She points out that “societal and technologic advances mean we have become enormously successful at providing for our basic needs. That has led to the demise of the economic marriage. Our expectations for a marriage are completely changing from what they were just in the previous generation.”
“Our needs are now centered on the emotional rather than the economic, and we’re living longer. It could take a long time to find someone who meets those needs for the rest of our life. It’s not appropriate to feel bad about the periods of singleness since the cues from the earlier generation aren’t really valid for the circumstances we face.”
That means that if you have those high standards for a relationship, it may be necessary to undergo long periods of singleness before you find the right person.
Mary Lou also makes the point that we sometimes worry that we will never find someone and that we’ll always be alone. Better, though, to worry about the opposite: what if now is our last time to ever be single? What if the next few months or years are our last chance to be unattached and do what we need to do? That seems to her to be the greater risk to future happiness.
The good news too is that women are experts at socializing. Being successfully single includes playing that natural tendency for all its worth. Creating a rich and fulfilling social life is one important sign of a woman who is making the most of her single state.
Having a lively circle of good friends and the ability to achieve what’s important to you sounds like a pretty good definition of success, wouldn’t you say?
