On a recent late-night, back patio, alcohol-fueled gabfest with a friend of mine, we took a familiar turn down ex-boyfriend lane. A menagerie of lessons learned, stories that shock, poking fun, all in an effort to justify or understand how we arrived at where we are today.
In my book of dating dramas, I have had some chapters of wonderful people who left lasting impressions on me. It made me want to speak to those particular boyfriends and thank them for their role in my life. So I will.
Dear Tommy,
You were the cutest boy at Cherry Run Elementary. Some of the fondest memories of my childhood were spent with you. Riding bikes, hanging out at the pool, and of course, our hour long make out sessions in the underground tunnels by the creek. I remember shouting out of the school bus window to each other, “Love you times ten!” And I really did.
For our elementary school years, you were my main squeeze, but then I lost you when we moved on to middle school and high school. I don’t recall speaking to you, or even passing you in the hall. Do you? As I went through my phase of being “too cool for school,” I lost my innocence. When I think back today, you were a large piece of that innocence.
My mom has always told me when she runs into you and how kind you are to her, and I always looked forward to the day we’d reconnect. I was delighted when I found you earlier this year on MySpace. At the time, I had just begun writing again; beginning the second part of a book I’ve been working on for a couple of years. I tend to get very pensive about life when I’m committed to writing, and so I began replaying over and over in my mind how it was that we lost touch when we still occupied the same spaces. Part of me got very sad, and then a bit angry. I wanted to call you and demand to know why you left me behind. That if we hadn’t become so irrelevant to one another, that maybe you could have saved me from the life I was to endure for the next decade. But I knew you wouldn’t understand. And I knew I couldn’t have been saved from myself anyway. When I looked back on my life, my memories of you are the last thing I remember before I went down a path that nearly destroyed me. And so I have clung to the thought of you all along. At some of the hardest pockets in life, I have envisioned myself back in those tunnels with you, and felt safe.
My heart is warmed to know you again, to know you’re happy, and to know you’ve thought and cared about me all along. Most importantly, you have a beautiful girlfriend who I could tell in thirty seconds of meeting her that she loved you and would treat you the way I would want you to be treated. A way that I would probably be incapable of myself.
Thank you for reminding me of pure, soft, innocent side of my life.
Dear Chris,
While our relationship was an immature, college one, I will always remember our laughter. I laughed more with you than anyone I’ve ever met. When I think back to the nine months we spent together, I think about lying in your king-sized bed (a luxury size not known by most at our age) and laughing like a hyena. I had the most fun with you, and when I’ve been presented with the challenge of what one person I would take with me to a deserted island, I’ve often thought of you.
Thank you for spending a small piece of your life with me, and for the laughter you brought to mine.
