We have all encountered these kinds of situations before. You went on a date; the boy told you how beautiful you look, laughs at your jokes, secretly checks out your legs, talks about taking you to here and there places, and asks when you will be free again while his lips come close to yours. That night, you went home with a big smile on your face, remembering all the little signs of his affection, details of your conversation, and you never hear from him again.
Thanks to those flaky guys, I get to deal with these questions most of the time when I tell a girl that I am writing about dating, relationships, and sex. I was stunned too when someone first asked the, “Why didn’t he call me back?” question. Why didn’t he? Maybe he didn’t like the way you talked? Maybe your lipstick was too bright? Too dark? Too shiny? Maybe he got hit by a car while saving handicap children from a falling spaceship? All those thoughts cross my mind when I looked into their beautiful but angry eyes and the only answer I could come up with was, “Maybe the black hole took them? … I don’t know … ” I felt I have disappointed my fellow girls.
Of course things like that have happened to me a few times, but it never bothered me enough to stay in my mind for more than two days. Until him … I couldn’t tell you how intrigued I was by him. We met online and hit it off like dry wood to a hungry flame; Sam was handsome, funny, smart, sharp, witty, and most importantly, a lawyer. I have always wanted to go out with a lawyer; I wanted to know if this supposed cold-blooded posh talker could win a debate when we would get into one. We decided to meet before he left for a two-week business trip; he said he has two hours for cocktails before rushing himself to the airport. I’ve never played hooky at work, but for him I made the exception.
Triple checking my little skirt, black boots, and eye shadow; I walk into the dim bar at four in the afternoon feeling a bit guilty yet excited. He quickly stands up when he sees me, shakes my hand, pulls the chair out, and lets me sit across from him. So far so good! If anyone’s personality can fit his or her career more perfectly it would definitely be him. He bombards me with endless questions while ordering more rounds of drinks at four in the afternoon, I talk, we laugh, he flirts, we flirt, and before I know it I am sitting so close to him I can see the mist of desire spread out in his eyes like a heated lake. He drags it out to absolutely the last minute until he has to leave; he picks up the check and walks me to the door.
“Can I please call you when I am away?” He says as he brushes a loose piece of hair away from my eye.
“Of course.” I had to try hard not to giggle with joy.
“Can we chat online? I will email you as well.”
“I would love that. And now, sir, you are going to be late! I will see you when you come back.” Quickly I jump up to kiss him on the cheek and give him a smile. I walk off as confident and sexy as I possibly could. Listening to my internal romantic music, I feel like the luckiest person ever! I can’t wait for the next date and hear all about his trip! I can’t wait for his email to arrive in my inbox to make me smile and I’ll write back something witty.
Oh come on, don’t act surprised! You knew it was doomed in the first place; that’s what this topic was about! I never heard from him again. No email, no phone call, no chat! He just disappeared. I even researched the news to see if any airplane crashed that day but the only accident that day was his empty promises. Although that didn’t stop me from going on more dates, but it did leave a little dark angry spot deep inside of me.
Alvin is kind of cute but I am just not interested in babysitting a twenty-eight-year-old who likes to play silly, self-denial theory games such as “How to get a girl’s attention” like a junior high school boy. After I greet everyone and sit down, the first thing he presented to me was … his little diagram of how “relationships” work. Two drinks later, I find myself talking to him about my views on dating and he was fascinated. Four drinks later, he forgot his little drawing and focuses his attention fully on me while I am ready to get my drunk self home. I leave without saying goodbye, wake up the next day to find two text messages from him waiting on my cell phone. After that night we run into each other a few times in parties or bars, and the conversation always ends up to be pretty much the same … he talks about how he is cool with an open relationship and I try to convince him otherwise. One night after a party, he walks me home as we routinely debate on the same old subject … with my drunken eyes, I look at him. Alvin is not a bad looking guy; I can even say he is kind of cute for my taste …
“I can’t focus anymore. Can I kiss you now?” His eyes widen when the word “kiss” stumbles out of my mouth and soon a smile replaces his surprise. I don’t wait for his reply but put my lips on his, shockingly he wasn’t a bad kisser. His hands slowly creep up my back, holding me closer with his thin but strong arms and he pressed his slim, fragile body into mine. I felt the middle part of his pants tighten while he pushes me against the screen of my front door. I am sure my neighbor is enjoying this show. I couldn’t say the little event wasn’t hot … but … that was all I needed from him. I pull away and smile at him while he tries to grab me back in his arms.
“Thank you for walking me home. Good night.”
“Do you want me to come up?” He was panting a little trying to regain breathe.
“No, thank you. Good night!” I ran up the steps to my door, turning back to give him a big smile as I open the door and then … I was enlightened! Alvin would never know why I didn’t invite him up as the girls and I will never know why some guys don’t call back. I had a great time with Alvin and we share a moment that I will always remember but that doesn’t mean I would like to pursue anything else with him. Because I know, he is not my kind of boy. It is the same things with those guys who disappear into a black hole after a date! Who cares why they didn’t call or continue the relationship? The fact that they didn’t say it at all, “they are not the guy for us” is as simple as that! Why do we have to let our insecurity ruin the fun experience and murder our self-confidence by thinking something is wrong with us? Why can’t we just take things as it is and be glad we had a fun moment with someone new? I guess it’s a part of being a human ... if we were not so harsh on ourselves; the entire psychology industry would be out of a job. I wonder what would happen if we save our money and time we waste on self-torturing with our shrinks and actually do something to make us happy! How would that be for a change?! Well, I can only say for myself and it works pretty great for me!