A recent BBC News article put forth a bold declaration: “Being single when you reach middle age could mean more than having the house to yourself; it could increase your risk of dementia.” Dr. Krister Hakansson, who led the study, said, “Living in a couple relationship is normally one of the most intense forms of social and intellectual stimulation. If social and cognitive challenges can protect against dementia, so should living as a couple.”
To me, this suggests that singles don’t have enough meaningful interaction or engagement in their lives. Sue Johnson, Director of the Ottawa Couple and Family Institute and the author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, says, “Speaking of relationships in general like this is meaningless unless you take the quality of the connection.”
What if being single is actually good for you? What if the benefits of singledom match or exceed the benefits of marriage? Instead of assuming singles’ brains will melt if they don’t marry, perhaps we should focus more on the positives.
1. Know Thyself
When we’re single, we spend time alone. Some people can’t be alone, which may be a problem in itself, but certainly there are advantages to being by ourselves. If we’re never alone, when do we have time for self-reflection? How do we take on old hurts and issues and work them out? Think how generations of families stick in the same patterns of violence, abuse, and addiction. If we take time out to do some personal work, we’re more likely to break those patterns. When we’re alone, we have less distractions and more time to think—it’s simple math.
2. Entertain Thyself
Another advantage of having time alone is that we can pursue passions and interests we might not otherwise have time for. This is the number one complaint I hear from my coupled friends—I wish I had time for … that trip I always wanted to take, those guitar lessons, that photography contest, hanging out with my friends. Certainly traveling, playing musical instruments, creating art, and talking with friends provides meaningful cognitive stimulation. But are couples who barely talk to each other and space out in front of the TV every night more stimulated? Dr. Johnson says no. “Vegging in front of the TV with the other person sitting in the room is as stimulating as watching paint dry.”
