I believe that in life regardless of age, gender, religion, socio-economics, and sexual orientation we all share the same need for companionship, to feel loved and to feel safe. I openly admit that as a single woman still on my own personal quest to find these qualities in a man, that at times it has been a harsh road to hoe. But on the positive flip-side it has taught me a lot about myself and about what I’m looking for in an intimate relationship.
Does having sex on a first date or too soon change the route of finding “The One?” Could an all-consuming spontaneous moment of too much sweltering lust or tequila actually turn into a sex-too-soon-deal-breaking situation while on the solitary path to finding love? How soon is “too soon?”
Is first date sex okay, a do or a don’t?
Awhile back I did a TV interview and the anchor woman and I talked about the in’s and out’s of dating etiquette, manners and about The Rules, a number one New York Times Bestseller dating book that has sold over one million copies.
The Rules states that if you follow the “time-tested rules and secrets you will capture the heart of Mr. Right.” Interestingly in Rule 15, the two women authors say “Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.” While I’m a firm believer in setting nourishing boundaries and a solid stage for your own self-respect, following rules from a book seems … well, unnatural.
I own up to having a significant amount of dating experience and during the early morning interview the anchor woman and I talked about getting physical after a few dates. I will say that after my own personal experiences I do think that sex—even kissing—too soon can affect the “getting to know you” part, so even if you’re a yearning inferno of fiery passion, based on my own life encounters, I say to wait. In my opinion, sex or even maybe a kiss too soon may toss a big bucket of freezing cold water onto a worthwhile dating and mating chase.
However, if you are just looking for a booty call, then the situation is like comparing apples and oranges. Following my regular information seeking MO, I sought the thoughts of both men and women in this case and from a huge age, life, and experience range about having sex on the first date. Here is what they had to say:
Women
1. I’m kind of old fashioned; I wait until the fourth or fifth date, especially if it’s with someone who I want to date. That is just me. Everyone is different.
