We all can think of someone who cannot stand to be alone. They can’t go shopping alone, they can’t eat at a restaurant alone, and they certainly can’t be without a mate. Often times the explanation is simply because they do not truly love themselves. They do not know what to do on a Friday night alone because they do not enjoy spending time with themselves.
You have probably heard countless times that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What loving yourself really boils down to is being happy with who you are.
Everyone benefits from being in the presence of positive people, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be around people you enjoy. However, if you cannot be content during the times you are by yourself, it may indicate you are unhappy with you. How can anyone else enjoy your presence if you don’t enjoy your own presence?
If you rely on your significant other to bring you happiness, then eventually this will catch up with you and damage your relationship. For a while you may feel happy in a new relationship, but it is just a front. Whenever the excitement dies down, or when your mate goes out of town (and you are alone once again on a Saturday night), the emptiness will come back. Often times when the newness of a relationship wears off and one person doesn’t love who they are, it is the reason the relationship sours. It is fine for your partner to add happiness to your life, but individually you need to be happy and love yourself with or without that person. Only YOU can bring yourself joy and only YOU can take joy away from yourself.
Many people think that they need to have a partner and that they need to get married and then they will never be lonely ever again. When you get married, inevitably you are going to be away from your spouse from one time to another. Maybe one of you has business travel or works longer hours. If you are not happy with yourself, then all of the emptiness will come back, even though you are married.
If you are afraid that you do not currently love yourself enough, then try some of the following tips to fall in love with yourself before your next relationship.
Learn what you like.
Take yourself out to a nice restaurant because you want to go there. Order exactly what you want. Go see a movie that you want to see. Join a class such as yoga, dance, pottery, or kickboxing because you have always wanted to. Concentrate on only what you want to do for a while and learn who you are. In relationships, we tend to develop new interests because of our new partner. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but you need to have your own interests and hobbies to bring into the relationship.
Describe your perfect mate.
Before you enter a relationship (and without having any particular person in mind), make a list of all the characteristics you want your future mate to have. Be very specific on this list. Keep this list with you and reference it often when you get lonely. Realize that you will love yourself enough to date only people that fit your criteria. Of course you could have a partner if you settled for just anyone (anybody could), but you love yourself, so you are going to have only the highest standards for those you date. If someone comes along in a moment of weakness, and you are thinking about dating them (even though they don’t match your list), DON’T!
Get your life together.
Do you have the job and education that you want? When you are alone and only thinking of yourself, it becomes clear what your goals in life are. It is acceptable to date while you are on this journey, but set priorities. You may have a rule that you won’t get married until you graduate college. Having a clear vision will help attract a mate that can help rather than hinder your plans. When you are tempted to date someone that doesn’t fit your list, throw yourself into your work and studies. Keep in mind you are working and studying hard so that you and your future family will live a better life. Set your own rules, be clear of what they are, and (of course) stick to them!
