When did this change happen? How did we, as a society, come to terms with the possibility of a loveless marriage and divorce, but not a marriage-less life?
I do not have the expertise to theorize about society, but I can tell you how it happened to me. It happens when one forgets that one owes it to oneself to be loved by someone one wants wholeheartedly, not by someone one merely tolerates because one is afraid of being single forever.
After my last breakup (which I wanted, just not with so much drama), I had started questioning myself—“Why did this happen to me?” “Why can I never meet a decent man?” It ended with, “What do I want in a guy?”
So four months before my thirtieth birthday, I signed up for online dating and started spreading the word to everyone that I was on a mission: I was going to go on at least fifty dates this year. I figured statistics would be in my favor.The result?
In six months time, I had spoken to about thirtu different guys and been on a total of twenty-two dates with six different guys. Looking back, I am glad I actively changed my outlook about men (i.e., they are not all odd!), improved on my looks, did get asked out, and then went on as many dates as I did with as many varied guys. I realized I’m an exceptionally good date even when I don’t foresee a second date. I was having fun dressing up every week and finding out interesting bits about people who are sort of similar but also so different from me. The attention was quite flattering, even when the results were not that great. I had still not met one guy I could potentially see myself spending the rest of my life with.
I decided to stop after a friend set me up with her friend because we’d have similar interests (work, salsa, movies). I had met the guy and knew he was interested so I agreed. This guy turned out to be the most boring date I’ve ever been on and unfortunately it went one for almost five hours. What kind of thirty-seven-year-old man says he spends Saturdays doing laundry and grocery and Sundays visiting his mom? After ignoring his phone calls for a day or so, I had to use the “we don’t have enough chemistry” line because I didn’t want our mutual friend to be embarrassed.
