I don’t understand the “be unavailable” dating advice from the abundance of books that prey on relationship-seeking single women. Of course, nobody is going to answer the ad for an overly-needy girl, whose passion is grooming her five cats while watching The Hills. Sure, having a healthy self-esteem and a fulfilling life is excellent advice—duh—but trying to “win” a guy by pretending to not care seems ... false.
Does it really make me appear to be a loser if I answer his phone call, make the first move, and accept a last minute date? According to The Rules, I should forfeit the possibility of a great time to sit at home if he doesn’t ask by Wednesday for a Saturday date. It’s purporting a fabulous exciting life in hopes he’ll want to be a part of it motto. This sense of falsehood may prolong the ruse, but eventually he’ll find out that occasionally you sit at home on a weekend night, alone, eating ice cream and watching chick flicks, wishing you had a good man to massage your shoulders. Ultimately, you’re just doing yourself a huge disfavor; don’t you want to find a great fit, not just someone that wants the pseudo-you? Someone who accepts your quirks—possibly likes you for them. Isn’t that what a relationship needs to endure? I find the “my life is amazing, I’m perfect and uber-successful” rattle intimidating. Is that real? Why is the divorce rate so high? Is it because we don’t know ourselves or we’re hiding during courtship? Highlighting your best is smart, but false advertising is not.
Doesn’t it feel good to have feelings of want/like reciprocated? If a guy truly enjoys your company, then he’ll desire more of this happiness, not less.
The only rule to follow: know the characteristics you favor in a mate and aim to be the equal. A great method to improve upon yourself, thus your dating potential.
I came across this quote on iVillage, which fits perfectly with this article: “I think women should do whatever the fuck they want. Make the first move. Make the last move. Make a move to someone else. I don’t care—as long as it’s what they authentically feel.”—Gloria Steinem.
