Sixteen Key Questions to Ask
He’s Just Not That into You, the bestseller-turned-movie starring Jennifer Aniston, debunks the obsessive thoughts single women have about hotties who sweep into and out of their lives. The authors go into excruciating detail about the excuses and stories we make up to justify our fantasies about unavailable men. We waste hours and hours thinking and dishing about how, “He’s on a deadline at work,” “He’s out of the country,” or, my personal favorite, “He’s really in the process of leaving his wife.” The authors point out that none of the stories are the reason he doesn’t call, text, or email. The real reason is he’s just not that into you.
The point is that a whole lot of time is spent on defensiveness, self-protection, and daydreaming. And then, after all that wasted time fantasizing and making excuses, surprise, surprise—the dude finally manages to wriggle free and disappear from our lives. Only then does the truth hit us, and often with a wave of heartbreak and pain. Bottom line: love is no simple walk in the park. Often it is hard to trust our instincts and judgment.
How do you know when to fish or cut bait? Just how do you really tell if he is just not into you? Or as I put it: How do you know how to stop wasting time on a DUD (Definitely Unworkable Dude)?
To help you answer these questions, take this simple quiz adapted from my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Give your boyfriend one point for each of these sixteen characteristics:
- Eager to see you
- Reluctant to leave you
- Wants regular consistent contact, asks for dates
- Interested in you and your life
- Wants to be helpful
- Is verbally and physically affectionate
- Wants to be romantic and sexual with you
- Texts, emails, or calls regularly
- Acts like you are very special; doesn’t really want to date others
- If you are dating other men—willing to hang in there
