The event was held in a dimly lit room of some suburban hotel. Platters of congealed food and wilting lettuce sat on some folding tables draped by a mustard yellow tablecloth. The music droning on the sound system was about twenty years out of date, and all of the men at this event looked like they either crawled out from underneath a rock or still lived with their mother. The women in the meantime were huddling together for protection, wondering how they ever ended up in the basement of Planet Miserable on a Saturday night.
If you’re over thirty and still single, chances are the scenario I’ve just described will sound very familiar to you. I know this scene all too well, because I went to dances like this and other singles events for years, each time carrying with me the germ of hope that someone male and decent—and human—would show up.
What’s funny is I eventually met my husband on a bike ride, organized by a Jewish singles group.
Yeah, I know, telling your friends that you found The One at a singles event doesn’t sound nearly as cool as, “I met my significant other in a bar,” or that you both clicked on Facebook. But as I was to learn, not all singles events are pathetic and horrible. In some cases, they can be a welcome break from the dizziness of Internet dating—as many offer activities that take place away from your computer and in the great outdoors. As long as you know how to navigate them and pick the right activities, that is.
As a former singleton who endured these types of venues for a good part of two decades, I decided to do my own informal assessment of the most common types of singles events and organizations. Here it goes:
Singles dances and mixers
Grade: D-
These events rank up there with science fiction conventions at the saddest places on earth. Why? Because the event is solely being held for the purpose of hooking up, leaving everyone in the room edgy and defensive. Another reality check: men who have lives never seem to show up to these things. On the rare occasion a good-looking guy did stumble upon an event like this (perhaps they were lost) the entire evening would devolve into an episode of The Bachelor, where all of the aggressive women in the room would be throwing themselves at the great prize, to win his heart and hopefully his phone number.
Bottom line: Just don’t bother.
Speed dating
Grade: C
The plus side to these five—or in some cases three—minute dates is you get exposed to a large number of the opposite sex in one sitting. On the other hand, that’s not really enough time to determine whether someone’s your soul mate, or even a nice person for that matter. Such a harried environment makes it all too easy for people to make snap judgments about you and write you off. Once, this rather statuesque friend of mind said one of her “dates” got up and left to get a soda and never came back until the bell rang again, signaling the men to move to a new date. Apparently, he had asked her how tall she was and didn’t like the answer.
Bottom line: If you need a quick date for a wedding and are good at on-the-spot negotiations, this may be the way to go.
Volunteer groups
Grade: B-
Whether it’s a church group or a volunteer singles organization, this is a nice way to give back to society and meet someone decent in the process. Over the past decade, singles volunteer organizations have popped up in various cities around the country. A word of advice though: many of the larger groups try to get an even number of men and women to sign up for an event and the women’s slots always fill up faster, so be sure to check the Web site every day for new events that interest you.
