We only just broke up two months ago. And his reasoning was that even though he thinks I’m “awesome,” work, life, etc. were just too crazy and he didn’t have the time to give a relationship. He said I deserved more. Yet he magically has time for this new girl. I know he just met her (from a mutual friend), so I don’t think he was cheating on me, but still, why her and not me? It hurts so much. And I’m mad that it hurts—why can’t I just hate him? It would be so much easier.
We decided to stay friends, and kept in touch via email. We were also Facebook friends, but he un-friended me a few days ago, with no explanation ... that was when I found out. I guess he didn’t want me to see the engagement announcement on his page. I know that he’s in love with love ... he fell for me right away too, and the girlfriend before me, but got tired of both of us pretty quick. Who knows, maybe he’ll do the same thing with this one. He hurt the previous woman really bad—I know because he told me she had a hard time with the breakup. I should have known.
Dating sucks. I’m so tired of falling in love with a guy, giving my heart, taking a chance, and then having it not work out. I don’t even want to eat tons of ice cream, or drink a whole bottle of wine ... I don’t know what to do. Nothing I can think of would make me feel better. I just wish I could forget. Forget all the sweet things he said to me, all the times he held me and I felt so safe. I guess time is the only thing that will help, but I’m at a certain age forty-one and even though I still look damn good, I feel like I’m running out of time to find the right guy. I just want to be settled. Have someone I can call home. I know I’m not alone in this. It just feels like it.
