Boys. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. Funny how some people can really impact your life and it takes some time to realize just how much they’ve impacted it.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the biggest crush on one of my older brother’s friends. His name is Arthur. I first met Arthur when I was about eleven. My brother had brought him to our house to hang out. When I first saw him, my immediate thought was “Wow. He is cute.” Arthur was sweet; he made me laugh. He always seemed to make me blush and it was quite obvious I was in love with him. So I was only eleven ... but I knew that this was a crush, a major crush. Years went by and we both grew older. My brother Joe and Arthur had graduated from high school. Meanwhile, I was only beginning. I still had feelings for Arthur and he was always in the back of my mind. When I’d see him again, those feelings would come flying back to me. I was seventeen and he was twenty-two. Bit of an age difference, I know. But hey, age is just a number right?
I had been with a guy for about a year. His name was Matt. He was very kind, but I always knew, he was not the right guy for me. He was, how should I say it ... too nice. He actually began to drive me insane. We would never fight, and I actually hated it. I wanted there to be at least one thing we’d disagree on and it seemed I couldn’t find it. Until I found out he was “straight edge.” Meaning, he didn’t drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes or anything like that. Matt was two years older than I was. He had been through high school already and I was only a junior. I wanted to experiment and try new things with friends. Since my brother Joe was older, he would have small gatherings at the house. Nothing crazy, just a few close friends, most of which I knew for a while. We’d all hang out in the back yard and sit by a good fire. Have a few drinks and just tell stories. Like I said, nothing crazy. Just, relaxation.
Arthur would attend most of those fires and I just could not keep my eyes off of him. We’d talk and he’d tell me how much I’d grown up and ask me all about school. He’d offer me cigarettes and I’d kindly accept them. We sat around the fire all night and just talked about everything under the sun. It was perfect. Until Matt called me.
“What are you doing?” Matt asked. I responded, “Oh, I’m in the backyard with Joe and a few of his friends.” Matt didn’t seem too thrilled. “Are you drinking?” He asked. I lied. “No.” Of course Arthur heard Matt through the phone. “Tell him to stop by for a few beers.” Arthur said, not knowing he was completely against all of that. Matt heard him. “Oh, so you’re not drinking huh?” Matt hung up. I honestly didn’t even care. I was having a good time. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I wasn’t drunk. I was completely fine. Matt kept calling me and I kept ignoring him. Until he decided to show up at my house ...
Matt walked to the back of the yard where we were all huddled together around the fire. Joe had passed me his pipe I accepted it and took a few hits. Matt looked at me. He was crying. I was embarrassed. Not because I was caught, but because everyone knew “he was my boyfriend.” I went to stand up and go talk to Matt. I was high as a kite. I almost fell over. Matt and I walked towards his car. He was crying. I thought to myself, “Are you kidding me? Stop being such a little girl! Boys don’t cry over stupid little things like this!” I was angry. Very angry. I told Matt, “How dare you show up here and embarrass me in front of everyone like that!” Matt responded, “I knew you were lying to me. I didn’t know what to do.” I told him to leave me alone and to stop being a, well you know what. After I finally got him to leave I went back to the fire. I was still angry and my nice high was ruined. I grabbed a beer and drank up. Then another and another. I told Arthur I wanted to break up with Matt. He just wasn’t for me. I needed someone strong and brave. Someone who wouldn’t judge me. Someone like Arthur.
