As I awkwardly stand in the Self-Help section of Borders, I am trying desperately to blend into the books that cover topics on death and divorce, sex and self-esteem, as well as a variety of others. I keep straining to read the topics that adorn the shelves, meanwhile each step is followed with a look over my shoulder to make sure no one that I know sees me and subsequently thinks that I’m going to jump off a bridge. That’s not the type of self-help I’m after.
I’m somewhere between Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret and The Complete Idiots Guide to Dating, but I’m not exactly sure what it is that I am looking for. The longer I stand in the self-help section, the more the pink and red titled books blend together, and I can’t help but ask myself “Why am I here?” But I know exactly why I am there. I took the advice of two of my favorite women—more like fairy godmothers—who I spent the day chatting about how they have loved, lost, lived, and laughed through it all.
At some point, the conversation turned to me. Generally speaking, I am my favorite topic to talk about. However on this fateful day, the topic turned to my dating life. One story and one self-deprecating joke later, I am in the middle of a conversation about how I might need help. As in Self-Help.
So here I stand here, alone in the Self-Help section, searching for a book that speaks to me. I feel like I could use a spotter, someone to calmly guide me through each title to find the perfect match. I’m having enough trouble finding a book, finding a mate seems ridiculously difficult.
Just as I turn to leave empty handed, one book catches my eye. Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love By Understanding Your Personality Type. I’m intrigued. I never thought that when I decided to learn about dating, that I would have to learn about myself. I thought I would learn how to be attractive and datable, cute and clever even. Yes, there are books for that, but learning about myself, now that is something that just seems to make sense. It even comes with a personality test.
Now comes the easy part—just me and my book, home alone. I decide to approach this next stage like dating. I light some candles, I’m taking it slow, and I’m opening my heart.
