Who ever wrote the quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all” should have added that it hurts like hell when you have to say goodbye to someone you love. Again, I have managed to place myself in a situation in which an immediate remedy holds no positives. Instead of being bitter and hard on myself, as I normally am in the past, I now however, find myself appreciating the beauty and the positive growth that have been birthed from our union. I wanted to know what love felt like—to be completely and unequivocally submerged into someone. Well, from this experience, I can say I came pretty darn close. Circumstances stifled the idealism that would have normally accompanied such emotions. But for those brief interludes from reality I must confess that I was truly happy. This experience revealed another layer of my psyche. I am now opened to the possibilities in love. I will now try not to focus on the dysphoria that comes with possibly saying goodbye, but instead choose to embrace the positive in knowing you taught me so much about myself.
My heart, however, cries out in pain, for I had loved you—and I am still in love with you—pining for the warmth and comfort found in your embrace. I can only hope now that you are good—that your heart has mended—so that I alone can feel the insurmountable pain that accompanies a broken heart, as I can not endure the knowledge of you experiencing such agony. I lay awake, the tears welling in my eyes threatening to spill over … and I let them. I cry for you, for a love lost, for us, for a possibility. You were my hope ... you gave me hope. And it is my wish that I had been a positive force in your life as you were in mine.
Thank you. I love you.
