Life can throw you so many unexpected curveballs and you never truly know what to expect. The magnitude of the a-fore mentioned statement never really hit home until just recently. In just days I had gone from having a completely platonic relationship with someone to not being able to stop thinking about that individual. One night he was just someone whose friendship I appreciated and in an instance, he was someone I wanted to get to know on another level. It could have been the euphoria of being in that city—just getting caught up in the moment.
A substantial amount have time has passed and the feelings haven’t dissipated, so what now is my excuse. What is the profound reasoning behind my emotional conditioning? Am I one of those hapless souls that love the idea of love but truly have no regard for or should I say, have a paucity of knowledge of the real meaning behind the word? Nay, I wouldn’t say I am in love with this person, but I dance dangerously close to the belief that it could materialize into something just as meaningful.
I am a paradox just by being, by existing—because as much as I crave that oneness, subconsciously I avert the situation at all cost by encouraging my feelings for someone emotionally unavailable. Sin City … have I too fallen prey to allure of the place, was my sin falling “in like” with someone that I shouldn’t have, was my sin not making a move when opportunity presented itself, was my sin lusting, was my sin liking him when I knew he liked another, or is my sin the fact that I am silently hoping …
I dance to the waltz of emotional instability, I dance madly and wildly hoping for answers, my sweat-metaphoric; my breathing punctuated by jabs of uncertainty and of childlike hope. I dance to the sweet melodies of life, to the possibilities that it presents. I dance to the future, to the here and now, to the loves that lie ahead, to the loves lost—wittingly and unknowingly. I dance to you.
