“Pasta is dead! Long live sculpted meat!” was the battle cry of the leader of the Italian Futurist Movement, Fillipo Tommaso Martinetti. When I first heard this cockamamie slogan, at the Gritti Hotel’s School of Fine Cooking in Venice, I immediately imagined nonnas wailing as caskets full of spaghetti were wheeled through the streets, while renegade Martinetti took a pile of ground meat and sculpted it into a Brancusi-esque design.
What was I doing in this grand sixteenth century palazzo listening to talk about early twentieth century Futurism? I came to Venice for all the traditional goodies that I can’t get back in Los Angeles, like pasta with anchovy sauce and creamed bacala. But as coincidence would have it, I landed smack on time for the one day of the year when the class theme was Futurist Cooking. The recipe photos I looked over that showed what we’d be learning that day looked no different from what I could get at Spago in Beverly Hills. Curse you, Martinetti—you and your manifesto to push Italy to get with it and ditch all the old world stuff I crave. Call me corny, but I wanted the traditional experience of La Serenissima—the most serene—as the Italians call this city.
I dropped my pen as the other students scribbled notes and culinary historian Signora Carla Coco lectured on about Martinetti’s 1931 Futurist restaurant, The Holy Palate. He set it up so guests ate without utensils to “experience” small portions of food, as he believed Futurists must eat light “so the body is ready for artistic invention.” While they nibbled with their right hands, they’d be offered textures to stroke on their left, such as sandpaper or velvet. Bach music blasted in the background as waiters sprayed diners’ heads with carnation perfume.
It was time to use a skill I’d perfected in high school algebra class: pretend to pay attention while drifting to my own soundtrack... Yes, drift as smoothly as a gondola under the Bridge of Sighs… put on Vivaldi’s “Four Seasons”…ah, much better… soft lighing… gilt-framed mirrors… How do those Venetian signore at the next table pull off looking like they’ve just stepped out of the pages of Italian “Vogue” at nine in the morning, with their Prada suits and silk scarves tied just so? … Mmmm… Molto bello Chef Turco… a Hugh Grant look-a-like with even better long-eyelashed peepers… nice hands… the way he layers those monkfish filets with treviso cabbage… so glad he’s not sculpting meat…Will he eye flirt with the American student? …Is he following along with some Futurist no-flirt policy or just oh-so-serious… Gay?
Keeping Futurism on mute, I drifted along with the group to the splendid dining room where fortunately, waiters did not spray our heads with perfume. We lunched on what Chef Turco had demonstrated, his Futurist style being more like nouvelle, and all agreed it was buonissimo.
The terrace just out the door was too much to resist. I slipped away to take in the soft cool air and the Grand Canal view with the white domed Salute Church across the way. Had Martinetti seen me so blissful over this traditional sight, he would have chucked me into the water. But, lucky for me, his Futurism didn’t have a future. So I could stand there, fully content, immersed in the timeless beauty of La Serenissima.
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NOTE: The Gritti School of Fine Cooking’s 2007 Programs will NOT feature Futurist Cooking classes, but will feature celebrity guest chefs, including Patricia Wells, Judy Rogers, and Nancy Harmon Jenkins. Programs include cooking demos and cultural walks. Susan Van Allen says, “Check it out!”
Rates for 5 day classes (including accommodations): €5,500 to €7,550
School of Fine Cooking at the Gritti Palace Hotel
Campo S. Maria del Giglio, 2467, Venice
