The 4-way is a rollicking romp of dating and sex advice offered from the perspective (or lack thereof) of four fairly unqualified relationship experts: straight man, gay man, straight woman, and gay woman.
Dear 4-Way,
I’ve got a huge crush on a guy I work with. I think he’s interested in me too because whenever we talk, our conversations are very flirty and we email and IM about random funny stuff throughout the day. I’ve told a couple of friends about my crush and they’re split 50/50 on whether or not I should pursue something with him since we work together. My argument is that I spend so much time at work, where else am I going to meet people? Besides, if you go on a date with someone, you only get to see their “date” personality, not what he’s really like. This guy seems to be the full package: hot, smart, funny, nice, and of course, gainfully employed. What do you guys think?—EM, Cincinnati, Ohio
The straight woman’s perspective: Rebecca Brown
My hair stylist was recently telling me about an inter-salon love affair that had gone wrong and she said something very wise, which you’ve probably heard before: never shit where you eat, EM.
I understand that it’s hard to meet people. I have no idea how old you are, but I can tell you that meeting people definitely becomes harder as you get older. People start pairing off like Noah’s Ark and all of a sudden, your number of potential mates is dramatically lower—and those hunky coworkers start to look good.
But allow me to get a little Miss Cleo on you and predict a couple of potential disastrous and uncomfortable futures.
1) You date. You break up. Then one day you see him in the kitchen spreading cream cheese on his bagel and you wonder why he never gave you (or your breasts) the same loving care and attention to detail. You talk incessantly about his shortcomings as a human being and lover to any coworker who will listen. You gain fifteen pounds and become known as Bitter Office Girl Who Dated the Guy in Engineering.
2) You date. You break up. He dates someone else and brings her to your holiday party. You get drunk and do a disastrous karaoke rendition of “I Hate Myself for Lovin’ You,” then inappropriately grope your assistant. HR puts you on probation.
3) You date. You break up. He becomes your boss. Or you become his. Awkward.
4) You date. But you don’t break up—oh no, you get married, EM. WTF??! This might be the worst possible case scenario because then you never get a break from him. Until you get divorced. And guess what? You still work together even then! What fun!
Work should be a place where you can focus on work and not have to deal with the insecurities that dating often brings. There are plenty of other “full packages” walking around out there; they just may be less readily apparent than your hot coworker’s package.
The straight man’s perspective: Chris Kennedy
Imagine me, if you will, wielding a sickle, because I will be playing the dating advice grim reaper this month. It’s not because I think I look good in black, or because I have a fondness for wearing hoods and showing up unexpectedly during your day … though that might be interesting. No, I’m playing that role this month because you April questioners have forced me to.
EM, I can’t imagine you haven’t heard the common warnings about dating co-workers. “Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.” “Office dating if Off limits.” And the more direct, “Don’t s#$% where you eat.”
I don’t see much of an upside to this for you. IM flirting is one thing; acting on it is a whole other thing. Here’s what I see if you act on this and go out with him. You IM him one day. “Wassup? R U up 4 drinks l8ter? (Smiley face, wink.) He replies, “U buyin’? JK. LOL. Sure.” You reply “K. TTYL.”
