Dear 4-Way,
My boyfriend and I love performing oral on one another. I don’t like to swallow, and although he says it still feels great, he tells me (in a nice way) it would feel even better if I would just “finish the job.” I know this debate isn’t really anything new, but I’d be interested in hearing your opinions on why guys can’t just be happy with a blow job minus the swallowing. Am I a horrible girlfriend? I have friends who won’t even give blow jobs, so I feel like doing it this way with some hand help at the end is still good.—JG, Chicago, Illinois
The Gay Woman’s Perspective: Jody Fischer
Though I’m no expert on this one, I will point out a giant red flag that you might want to use to help clean up this mess. I hope I’m right on this! ALL guys don’t think that the only way this can be “complete” is if you swallow. I really and truly hope that there are perfectly nice guys out there who will be completely satisfied with a girlfriend who loves to perform oral. Come on, guys, write in on this one!
So if this guy can’t be happy with a simple BJ and his only retort is that this is what ALL guys want, his argument seems weak to me. It is, however, what he wants. Only you can decide if you’re willing to give it to him. Guess you have to balance out his request with your level of comfort.
Other than that, I’m going to have to politely defer to the wisdom of my colleagues on this one. Word of mouth is that they’ll have a lot more to offer than I do.
The Straight Man’s Perspective: Chris Kennedy
That’s great you two love oral so much. Now, stop with melodrama. You even said he still compliments you, but in a nice way mentions it would be even better if you swallowed. That’s fair. He’s letting you know how he feels. You’ve let him know how you feel about not swallowing … isn’t he allowed to have a feeling on that? Your boyfriend loves that you do this for him and he reciprocates such delights for you.
Asking if you’re a horrible girlfriend is an exaggeration and you know it. It’s playing the martyr. So is comparing yourself to your girlfriends who won’t do it. Do you love doing this for him or not? What your girlfriends do or don’t do is irrelevant to what comes between you and your boyfriend.
On to the solution. Men like to feel like kings. When our beloved girlfriend is prostrate at our prostate, you make us feel like royalty. He appreciates your effort, but your rejection of his end result makes him feel more like a clown than someone wearing a crown.
There’s no direct equivalent example for you but imagine this. He gets done with you down under and lets out a “Yuck!” and bounds to the bathroom to wash his mouth. This is a bit extreme, but you get the idea. Even though it felt good, you’d prefer he didn’t end it that way, right?
I don’t know why you don’t like to swallow, and I admit I don’t deal with that, so I don’t know but ... it ain’t the end of the world. Semen is not unhealthy, it’s virtually calorie-free, and it’s delivered in a relatively small dose.
That said, you don’t like it and so you shouldn’t have to swallow every time. Try making it an occasional deal. I’m sure he’d appreciate it a lot.
Relationships are about giving, taking, and compromise. So suck it up—even if it’s just once a week.
The Straight Woman’s Perspective: Rebecca Brown
Listen, JG, I get it. The sheer velocity at which that stuff comes at you can be daunting. (Or so I hear.)
