Dear 4-Way,
I recently ended a relationship with a man I had been involved with on and off since high school. (I’m now thirty.) We had great chemistry and shared many good times together. However, the one thing we didn’t share was an understanding of how to deal with his parents, who openly disapproved of his dating me. His mother in particular was never supportive of our relationship, because she felt she should have the right to choose the woman her son should marry, and she did not approve of me for him. While I feel I did everything I could to reach out to her and prove I was the right person, I left him because I felt the situation was never going to change and he was not going to stand up for our relationship. Did I do the right thing?—JK, Atlanta, Georgia
The Gay Man’s Perspective: Darren Maddox
I’m sorry to hear that such an important, long-term relationship has ended. I’m sure the decision to end it was a very difficult one. Now, with that out of the way, I can’t help but wonder who the hell his mother thinks she is to have the right to choose who her son marries. Her right to voice her opinion on who her son does or does not hang around with ended the day he graduated kindergarten. Since you’re thirty, and you say you dated in high school, I’ll guess he’s about your age. That puts her way behind on getting out of his business, according to my watch.
It sounds to me as if his mother’s parents chose the person she married, and so she believes that now gives her the right to bestow that same misery upon her son. Everyone should have the freedom to let nature take its course regarding marriage, no matter what a parent says and no matter what a state votes for and repeals. For your former boyfriend to not recognize his own rights in this day and age leads me to believe that yes, you did do the right thing by dumping him. Pat yourself on the back!
Imagine a life married to him: His mother would always rule holiday schedules. Your children would always be named what she believed was best. You would never win because it would always be an ongoing battle to try to please the mother and not offend your husband. Go get Mr. Right! The ex may have been a good time-passer, but I think you deserve much more than what you’ve gotten so far in this life.
The Gay Woman’s Perspective: Jody Fischer
Wow, does Mommy feel that she has a right to choose when her son goes to the bathroom, too? This type of thinking is so strange to me.
