Dear 4-Way,
I have a close girlfriend who is a big believer in the book The Rules. I’ve never bought into them, but there’s a new guy in my life right now and I really like him; so far, it seems like he feels the same. My friend thinks it’s time I practiced a few of The Rules on him, just to see what happens. Specifically, she thinks I should try the “wait three days before calling him back” rule. Normally, I don’t just blindly follow my friends’ advice, but I’m considering it this time because I’m very intrigued by all the women out there who swear that The Rules work. Should I try not calling him back for three days, or is that just silly?
—KS, Syracuse, New York
The Straight Woman’s Perspective: Rebecca Brown
Really, all I want to say is, “Yes, that’s silly.” But this is a column, so I’m obligated to tell you why, instead of just giving you the snippy one-liner response I think you deserve for asking such a ridiculous, 1954-esque question. I also think you should grow a pair, KS.
If you’ve found someone you like, why do you want to wait three days to call him back? It’s quite simple, really: if you hear the phone ring when he calls, answer it. You don’t need to call him back all breathless with excitement within ten seconds of seeing a missed call or listening to his voice mail—keep your cool a tiny bit—but three days is too long, it’s rude, and in today’s world of there’s-always-something-better-around-the-Match.com-corner, it’s just plain stupid. We don’t like it when men give us the three-day treatment, so why should we give it to them?
Finding someone you like who likes you back is fun. Enjoy it while it lasts; communicating by talking on the phone and making plans will help it last longer. If somebody doesn’t like you because you called him back too soon for his liking, then he’s not the guy for you. Instead of playing by The Rules, try making your own damn rules, starting with this one: don’t play games.
