Dionysus, the Greek god of wine, festivals, and parties, is bringing the noise and the funk this month as everyone gears up for the most gluttonous day of the year—Thanksgiving. Don’t forget to make a place at your turkey trough for good ol’ Zeus as he sets the wintry elements in motion. This November, he’ll serve up bone-chilling ice storms, bitter winds, toasty fires, and a steamy side of sweet-potato soufflé for you lucky lovers out there. But be warned—Zeus holds a thunderbolt in his right hand and isn’t afraid to use it on humans he finds acting less than godlike.
Scorpio
Khione (Goddess of Snow)
Your characteristic straight shooting and self-reliance may be misinterpreted as frostiness this month, Scorpio. The goddess of snow, Khione, is bringing the flurries starting November 23, so beware of turning folks off with a cold shoulder. Soften your gaze every chance you get, and use your signature penetrating eyes to warm hearts, not harden them. Winter is approaching, but you don’t have to be an ice queen.
Sagittarius
Hestia (Goddess of Hearth and Home)
Keep those home fires burning for a long-lost love who will revisit you in November, Sagittarius. Hestia is raking you over the coals, and you may finally reconnect with the one who got away. Cozy up by the hearth with a mug of hot chocolate, a good book, and a cashmere sweater and let your heartthrob come to you. And remember—Hestia rules domesticity as well, so keep your abode neat and tidy in case that unexpected visitor arrives spontaneously at your front door!
Capricorn
Hypnos (The God of Sleep)
Too much tryptophan in your turkey has Hypnos sedating your usually ambitious self, Capricorn. Enjoy this opportunity to relax, close the blinds, and take some time for yourself in November. Hypnos’s palace of darkness symbolizes daylight saving time, but there’s nothing wrong with pulling on your sleep mask, hitting the hay early, and catching up on those Zs. Who knows—maybe Morpheus, the god of dreams, will make an appearance to bestow upon you pleasant images of that cute barista you’ve been eyeing.
Aquarius
Zephyrus (God of Wind)
The winds of change are blowing for you this month, Aquarius. Zephyrus, the god of wind, is unleashing his blustery gales to shake things up a bit around Thanksgiving. You’re not one for unpredictability, so Turkey Day may have you feeling a bit out of sorts. Your Aquarian loyalty and friendliness, however, guarantee that you will have plenty of loved ones around to help you navigate the storm. And Zephryus’s sister Iris is the goddess of rainbows, so after the fracas you may even end up with a pot of gold.
Pisces
Poseidon (God of Storms and the Sea)
“Oh no he didn’t!” will be your mantra for November, Pisces. Poseidon, the god of storms and the sea, will sail his ships upon your love life this November, causing all kinds of ruckus around the seventeenth. But give your man the benefit of the doubt before you go all Perfect Storm on his ass—just because Poseidon is an infamous playboy doesn’t mean he’s hanging out with one of his many mistresses. Talk it through and have some faith. You wouldn’t want to spend the holidays drowning in your own tears, would you?
Aries
Hephaestus (God of Fire)
Winter may be on its way, but your love life is ablaze. Hephaestus is up in your kitchen concocting one helluva spicy love potion this Thanksgiving. Pass the Tabasco! Your feminine wiles are hotter than they’ve ever been, and no mere mortal will be able to resist the flames you’re throwing the week of November 13. Hephaestus’s wife, Aglaia, the goddess of brightness, will stick around until the thirtieth to make sure those love embers glow and stay warm until early December.
Taurus
Demeter (Goddess of the Harvest)
The ground is cold and hard this month, so those seeds you planted back in October aren’t growing as quickly as you would have liked. Don’t be stubborn and overwater them, Taurus! Patience, love, and care will arouse Demeter from her slumber in time to see the fruits of your labor blossom by the end of November. You’ll be rewarded in the workplace with a bountiful harvest if you just give your crops time to develop.
Gemini
Aether (God of Air and Space)
Get your head out of the clouds, Gemini. You’ll have people asking, “What have you been smoking?” in November if you’re not too careful. Aether, god of air and space, is trying to sublet some of your cranial real estate. Remember that Aether was married to Gaia, the goddess of the earth—so keep your feet planted firmly on the ground, stay focused, and don’t let a case of the “gobble gobbles” turn you into a jive turkey.
Cancer
Boreas (God of Winter)
The great philosopher Paula Abdul said it best: he’s a cold-hearted snake. That special someone you’ve been trying to heat up over the past few months gets icier when Boreas, god of winter, pays him a visit. Thaw out his chilly heart with your killer Cancer kindness, some hot cocoa, and a cute, lacy number to get his mercury rising. Before December rolls around, he might finally be warm for your form.
Leo
Earth, Wind & Fire (Gods of Everything Funky)
You’re a “Shining Star” this month, so keep looking forward and not all the way back to “September.” November is a “Boogie Wonderland” for you, and holiday invitations will start pouring in around the eighteenth of the month. But don’t fret, baby, ’cause “After the Love Is Gone” and you’ve shown plenty of “Gratitude” over Thanksgiving, you’ll be looking for a “Getaway” by the first of December.
Virgo
Chronos (God of Time)
Chronos may have swooped down from the heavens and shortened your day, but don’t let him steal your thunder, too. Use your responsible Virgo disposition to achieve more during these shorter days. Chronos is famous for his three heads, so take advantage of those extra two to stay on task and get ’er done! By the end of November, you’ll be asking Father Time, “Who’s your daddy now?”
Libra
Hermes (God of Flight)
Thoughts of holiday travel giving you the blues? Long lines, layovers, and airplane food are weighing your scales down, but never fear! Hermes, the god of flight, is presiding over your November excursions to ensure that you encounter smooth sailing, prompt departures, and an extra bag of peanuts on that cross-country flight. You’ll do a lot of traveling this month, so make sure you spend a few quiet nights at home in a luxurious bubble bath to achieve that perfect level of Libra balance. Put your seatback and your tray table in their fully upright and locked positions, and enjoy the ride!
Read last month’s Visiting Visionary.
The Visiting Visionary is a monthly column written by a different guest horoscopist each month. We’ll focus on a new topic every month so that our Visionary can foretell how it will affect each sign.
Originally from Georgia, Heather Mathews fell off the turnip truck and landed in San Francisco in 1999. She has been known to hobnob with celebrities such as Emmanuel Lewis (aka Webster) and Booger from the classic Revenge of the Nerds film series. Heather spends most of her time rocking the mic at karaoke and attempting to cover up her Southern accent by saying “you guys” instead of “y’all.”