Around last call at the bars is when the talk starts. Someone mentions that 24-hour diner down the street and before you know it, you’re halfway through a plate of french fries, hoping the carb overload will soak up some of the drunk. And yet, even though the greasy spoon’s food is mediocre at best, at that moment, it’s the best thing to hit your taste buds in days.
I’m not sure what propels us toward high-calorie food after a night of high-calorie beverages, but I do know that most of us tend to base our late-night eats on the same three factors—convenience, cheapness, and the greasier, the better. In the light of day, these choices might make us feel bad about ourselves (and worried about our cholesterol levels), but when the drunken munchies hits, all bets are off.
1. Pizza
At 2 a.m., few things sound better than a hot slice of pizza on a white paper plate, doused in red pepper flakes and parmesan cheese. Simple and satisfying, plus it requires little effort or thought—very important at 2 a.m. Photo: su-lin (cc)
2. Hot Dogs
In San Francisco, hot dog vendors parked near bars wrap their products in bacon for that extra grease factor. But whether they come in hot dog, brat, or sausage form, meat tubes in a bun remain a popular drunken snack. Photo: inuyaki.com (cc)
3. Breakfast
I’m not talking a bowl of cereal or fruit and yogurt—I mean over-stuffed omelets, hash browns, biscuits and gravy, sausage and bacon, and other greasy brunch fare that hits the spot. Photo: adactio (cc)
4. Noodles
A pile of starchy goodness is just what our bodies need in the throes of inebriation, or so we tell ourselves as we stumble toward that late-night ramen or pho joint. Pho’s also what many people opt to eat (if they can stomach anything) when hung over. There must be something magical in that broth … Photo: phigonggoi (cc)
5. Hamburgers
There’s a reason fast food places get so crowded in the wee hours of the night (besides their late hours, of course). Their hamburgers are delicious—or taste that way to your liquored-up senses—and come with handy wrappers that prevent said burger from spilling on your lap. Photo: VirtualErn (cc)
6. Waffles
Given the popularity of IHOP, Waffle House, and other breakfast-specific restaurants past 2 a.m., waffles deserve their own place on this list. Personally, sweets don’t appeal to me when I’m drunk, but I’ve heard enough people speak fondly of drunken waffle runs to include it on the list. Photo: pointnshoot (cc)
