A friend of mine recently decided to take on a roommate. She began to interview people when it became apparent that she would probably never find the perfect applicant. After several days of unsatisfying interviews, she called me to vent her frustration. My initial thought was that there is no such thing as a perfect roommate—just ask anyone who’s been married! Some of us choose to spend the rest of our lives with someone, and even these people aren’t the perfect roommate. But what does make for amicable cohabitation most of the time is effective communication and realistic expectations. Marriage can often force two people who know and love one another to learn and solve this the hard way, but they have a commitment to one another. The same cannot be said for roommates.
Instead of immediately telling my frustrated friend that there is no perfect roommate, I considered how one might go about creating a roommate “commitment” via effective communication. Perhaps, similar to a marriage license, there could be a roommate “license,” whereby a list of realistic expectations is communicated and agreed upon. But where does one begin?
It’s definitely not enough to say, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Everyone’s version of the Golden Rule is as unique as his or her own DNA. Perhaps my “do unto you” is leaving my cat free to roam the apartment at night because I don’t mind his waking me by biting my septum or licking my eyelids. Perhaps your roommate's “do unto you” is leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor because they wouldn’t mind picking up yours.
Since everyone has a different version of the Golden Rule, some common ground needs to be identified. It seems logical that a starting place is to identify the most common roommate complaints, and then set realistic expectations around these issues.
So for those of you wishing to identify such complaints, below is a list—none of the items should come as any surprise if you’ve ever lived with someone. But sometimes just identifying the issues helps us understand that these issues aren’t personal—they’re common. And if they’re common, well then, there must be common (and not-so-difficult) solutions.
1. Household chores
Set a schedule for completion of chores and responsibility for them. Vary responsibility so everyone shares all chores at one time or another.
