Any girl can sip alluringly at a Flirtini or Cosmo, or develop a taste for wine nurtured by wine appreciation classes or an oenophile partner—less commonplace (at least in my experience) are beer appreciation courses.
Lager, stout, wheat, ale, IPA, hefeweisen, blonde, pilsner, cider, amber, red—each type of beer seems to have an infinite number of variations and brands. As microbreweries pop up everywhere, a neophyte beer lover might be forgiven for always ordering the tried-and-true, the familiar.
Girls, avoid this temptation! I have it on good authority that a knowledge of beer and familiarity with its many variations is sexy and alluring—as confidence and expertise when engaging any stereotypically male activity tends to be. Actually, it’s easy to surpass the guys on this front, since so many men are happy just to catch the silver bullet—or buy what’s cheapest without considering taste.
Given all this, I’m delighted to present my very brief and informal version of a beer appreciation course, based on a long period of research consisting of most of my twenties and half of my thirties. It’s all a matter of taste, of course (considering we’re talking about taste), so feel free to disagree. Here’re just a few of the fruits (and hops) of my research.
Stout—Consider your Guinness, your Murphy’s Ale: thick and dark, with a solid cream head that could hold a match vertical. In my time as a cocktail waitress at an Irish music pub, I learned to list stouts at the top of my order, since they take so long to pour—usually, a good bartender will pour a pint glass about three-fourths full, let it settle, then top it off carefully. A VERY good bartender will pour a shamrock design in the foam at the top of the glass. In any case, it takes almost three times as long to pour as any other tap beer. So why order it? Well, personally, it reminds me of Ireland, peaty fires, and days spent sitting with friends in a pub. The taste is solid—almost a meal. It’s not something to knock back, immediately ordering another; it’s something to savor. And I love that little foam mustache you get after a swallow.
IPA—Not my drink, honestly. It’s got a too-bitter taste, in my opinion. I kid myself that I can taste the hops; but if you feel most beers are too bland, and too much like drinking flavored water, try an IPA. The initials stand for India Pale Ale, and my loose understanding of the name’s history goes back to the time when India was a British colony, and the English soldiers stationed there suffered through many imports of stale or just plain bad beer before an English exporter figured out how to increase the hops and alcohol content of his brew in order for it to survive the long sea voyage. IPA was born, happily welcomed, and is now a product of microbreweries everywhere. Amaze your guy by ordering an IPA and recounting the tale of its development!
Pilsner—I categorize pilsners and lagers almost identically: usually a light-colored beer with a smooth, easy taste. Pilsners are the most popular and widely sold beers, at least for general consumption. Consider Coors, Miller, Budweiser, Corona, etc.—all your basic lagers. A true beer aficionado would be able to tell you more about the distinction, but that isn’t important for my purposes. These are all great summer beers. Sitting on the beach staring at the water, exhausted from a day in the surf, pop open one of these and it’s instantly refreshing. Actually, I order lagers all year round for that moment of refreshment. Because of their relatively light taste, I think they go really well with meals, too. I wouldn’t order a Guinness to sip over dinner (unless it were shepherd’s pie, perhaps), but I’ll take a Coors Light with a burger any day of the week.
My favorite beer, though, is a hefeweisen. This is a wheat beer (weisen is German for “wheat”), sometimes called a “white” beer, often served with a slice of lemon or orange. Think of it! You get all the taste benefits of a fruity beverage and can still order something without embarrassment that you’re not ashamed to drink in public! I find hefeweisens smooth and tasty—without either the “I’m drinking flavored water” feel some of the lighter lagers have, or the heaviness of a stout or ale.
Obviously, this is by no means a comprehensive list, but I like to think it can provide a beginning. Next time you find yourself bellying up to the bar, don’t go for the tried-and-true. Explore! Be different! Surprise yourself and try something new. If you hate it, at least it’s just a beer, not a $300 bottle of wine. Drinking beers is frugal, too!
