In a flash, it all became clear to me. The years of our exclusive friendship. The protectiveness she always showed. The jealousy. Wow, hello, unhealthy friendship. I had to end it. I took a deep breath and said as politely as I could, “This friendship is not healthy for either one of us. Our lives have obviously taken two different paths, and we don’t share the same values anymore. I think we should say good-bye and that’s the end of this friendship.” Frankly, I couldn’t believe my own clarity and frankness, but it was there. She, unfortunately, didn’t share the same headspace and hung up the phone. We haven’t spoken since.
Now, obviously, this is a worse-case scenario, but it also carries some commonalities that all friendships share. It’s easy to get wound up in an intense relationship with a girlfriend. No man will ever understand the agony of cramps or the ecstasy of Clooney. Men don’t understand why we would pay a hundred dollars for the blessed Rabbit or why we can watch Sex and the City over and over and over again and still cry. It’s a language of love that only women share. However, be careful not to be blinded by the sisterhood to the point that you don’t realize you have a mild case of Single White Female on your hands (sans the identical haircut). For some women, it’s a matter of control. For others, it’s a lack of healthy relationships in their life.
You must evaluate your friendships as much as you evaluate your wardrobe. Otherwise, you’ll experience the equivalent of walking out of the house one day wearing gold lame, cringing as everyone points at you because the eighties fashion resurgence is over.
Here are a few tips to help you determine if it’s time to call it off:
- If you’re not getting anything out of it, get out of it.
- Have you seen anyone else lately? If it’s just you and her, it’s time to diversify.
- You’re friends; you’re not each other’s property.
- Being friends is fun. If it’s not, it’s over.
