My Friend “Divorced” Me

It’s been almost a year since I last talked to my precious friend “Sandy” (not her real name) before she “flipped out” on me. Have you had one of these friends in your life? You know, someone so close to you that you felt like you were soul-sisters – best buds – because you were so much alike. Then out-of-the-blue she becomes silent and bitter and you never hear from her again. This may sound drastic but it’s not too far from what actually happened...at least from my “whirlwind” perspective of the situation.

She was an acquaintance but quickly became a cherished friend when I told her of my engagement to my now husband. Without missing a beat, she and her lovely family were instrumental in the celebration of me and my husband’s new life together. My husband and I felt we had been “adopted” by this amazing family.

As I eased into my domestic status, Sandy began calling me for daily chats. We had so much in common that it was fun and easy to talk to her. An hour or two would pass by and it would only feel like 15 minutes to us. She was a wonderful source of support because I was fairly new in this part of town and it was nice to know someone close by.

As weeks went by I started feeling guilty because Sandy was always kind enough to call me first. I was busy writing a book so my focus was always on that. Eventually, I started calling her first because friendship is a two-way street...right? At the beginning, our dialogue was about the usual chatter stuff: opinions, career, men, babies, clothes, etc. As weeks went by her conversation moved to complaints, concerns, and questioning other people’s motives. Not thrilled with where our calls were going, but wanting to be supportive, I would listen (sometimes for 2 hours or more; yes, I take responsibility for not setting boundaries!) because I never viewed her as a vindictive person. I’d give her the best advice I knew how and would hope she would move on, but, alas, she’d still go on and on and on about herself and how the world was against her (yes, it got to this point).

At some point, I thought, “I guess we’re the kind of friends who can share anything with each other”, so for a change I started to voice things that frustrated or irritated me, which was strange because I was a happy newlywed who wasn’t really frustrated or irritated by anything at the time.