Well for all of you following the saga...11 days has passed since I was in contact with my friend. We were both on the computer at the same time at least twice over the past few days (both of our instant messages came up (.....but neither one of us broke down and made contact. Just sat and looked at the screen. It seems like we are spying on each other from a distance........ Today I mailed to my friend a new CD *which I burned) and the lyrics to the songs ......the new Pink CD I Am Not Dead ........some of the songs just reminded me so much of her. I also enclosed a small note saying the following..........I understand why you shut down and run away from relationships when conflict arises.......I understand why you put up walls and boundaries..........and when someone oversteps them how hard it is for you to let them back in. I understand why it is so hard for you to trust and once that trust is betrayed how hard it is to restore that trust...I understand how our past experiences quite often effect how we act today and now.......I also wrote how deeply sorry I was.....How I was literally torn apart by this.........and how I wish never to hurt another individual like I did her (especially after all the hurt that she had experienced in her life).............I told her I wish I could take those words back...........I told her that God had forgiven me and now I needed to forgive myself and start healing.........I asked her again .....please forgive me......please let me know if you can and will forgive me…I need to know this....I also said I think of you daily and pray for you..........I wish you well and hope that God is with you looking over you and giving you strength when you need it.......I said maybe some day God will make our lives cross paths again (his will and not ours) and that I wish you well and hope that you are at peace and emotionally/physically well.......Lastly I said to her that in order to have peace in my life I need to do this.....at least I know that I did all that I could...........
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I completely believe you did the right thing by sending her that cd and note. Now, just wait. The ball is in her court, and if you are as close as you said, she will come around. If and when she does, LISTEN to her and know that what she may say may not be very pleasant, but you do want to hear her out. Good luck.
Well I missed part 1, but I do know something about friendship, relationships. As I read your second part, I was reminded of something I had to do 4 yrs ago. I had a step mom and her two sons. There wasn't any thing I would do for any of them, but each and every time, there was no love shown from them, all through the years. I hoped and prayed today would be the day, a nice word like I am proud of you. Nothing. As much love as I held in my heart, the stress it caused me waiting for something I wouldn't get, gave me the streghth I need to say good bye and never look back. There are many things I would have loved to say some not so good but I alloweed myself the closure I needed to go on and never look back or regret not saying how I felt in my heart. By me walking away and not looking back in my eyes, they all knew and didn't have to ask why. The closer was walking away. Smiley
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