Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why am I friends with that girl?” You know the type: high maintenance, unsupportive, self-absorbed. (You probably have your own criteria for doubting the resiliency of a friendship.) Most of us have good friends we love and rely on, but occasionally we all get some bad apples in the mix. No one is perfect, in fact, I have tons of flaws, but some friends just don’t feel good to be around anymore. Of course I may have chosen the bad apples for a reason at that juncture in my life, but that’s a Freudian sidebar altogether.
When I realized someone was just wrong for me, I agonized how to end it, wracked with guilt. But I realized that it’s okay to tell someone it’s just not working out, just as you would with a romantic relationship. The difference of course is that you can’t say, “Let’s just be friends.” (Honestly, I never used that line with guys I dated anyway, because I don’t believe it.)
Below are the kinds of friends I’ve have learned to deal with—or in some cases, needed to dump. In some cases, these are women I’ve experienced but are not necessarily friends with. This is not an exact science, but one thing is true: friendships should always feel good.
Self-absorbed Suzy is always showing up late; traps you with monstrously long monologues about her job; goes on about the guy she is dumping this week and which guy she is scheming for next. At the end of her hour-long “me lecture,” she says, “So how are you doing?” By that time you’re so drained from nodding “Hmm, of course,” that you can’t really remember what you were going to say. Not all Suzies are alike mind you. She might have a great heart, but is just self-absorbed right now. Give it time. Ask yourself what you would like out of the relationship. Ask her whether she sees how unequal things are. She just might be receptive. If she’s not, that is more information for your emotional database.
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