A proposal. A diamond. Tears of joy. A white dress. A ceremony of love. A sacred vow.
Each word evokes visions of a beautiful wedding. But do these words represent a modern-day wedding? Where do the strippers, drunken fests, and bridal party (AKA “servants”) fit in? Where is it written that a union of two souls is a yearlong celebration of the bride? Have we lost sight of the true meaning in this powerful celebration? Better yet, how do you survive this self-centered event if you are one of the bridesmaids?
The weddings in ancient times were not about love and they certainly were not a celebrated occasion. Instead, they were about politics and survival. Brides were often kidnapped by the groom and his family and oftentimes used as political bait to bring together feuding families. Throughout time, weddings became contracts involving barters and dowries. They were arranged and they were a matter of staying in power.
Yet today, they have transformed into opulent, enormous occasions. Even if the wedding is small, the focus on it is huge. Weddings have been known to bankrupt, instigate family feuds, and entitle the bride to truly believe the world is painted white.
The worst part is this “joyous celebration” relegates the bridesmaids to the position of handmaid for an entire year. The bride agonizes over whom she should choose to be her bridesmaid, and these women are supposed to feel honored because they are considered her closest friends. But the responsibilities for a bridesmaid are endless. Not only do they have to listen to the bride talk about herself incessantly, the topics may include things such as her hair crisis and how long her hair needs to be by the wedding, what toe nail polish she should wear with her closed-toe shoes, and how her other bridesmaids aren’t taking the event seriously enough!
Cora, a client, was recently a bridesmaid for a friend of fifteen years. She was so devastated by her treatment during this celebration that she is no longer friends with the bride. “I threw my friend a beautiful shower and she barely uttered a thank you,” explained Cora. “Not only that, she ignored me during the event. It only got worse when her wedding arrived. I was so disgusted I no longer speak to her.”
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