Ironically, you have been chosen as the bride’s “special friend,” yet you no longer exist. The phone calls and the emails are nonstop, but you have become a sounding board, not a friend. You are considered selfish if you do not attend her out-of-town engagement party, you are uninvolved if you do not ask her about the wedding during every conversation, and you are expected to spend hundreds of dollars on things such as the shower, bachelorette party, bridesmaid dress, hair and makeup, and all of the flights, hotels and gifts. This is your duty and, if you want to prove your friendship, you had better do it with a smile.
Another client, Shereen, spoke to me about her experience as a bridesmaid for her friend. “My friend turned into bridezilla, for real,” she said. “I had to listen to her shallow, superficial conversations for an entire year and everything was soooo dramatic. Her flowers weren’t the right shade of purple, she had to lose this amount of weight for the wedding, how cheap people were and what she expected of all of us on her day. It was just too much. What gives brides the right to treat their friends like this just because they are getting married?”
This day is especially hard if you are single. You are honoring a day that you may want for your own future. When you see the bride acting in such a callous way, losing sight of the meaning of the day, it is exceptionally difficult. Melissa, a single friend says, “I literally dream of meeting the guy I will marry and I watched my friend act like this day was all her own and that her wonderful fiancé didn’t even exist. It was like she was using this day to celebrate herself. I would have given my right arm to be in her shoes, but I would have treated the day so differently.”
In all fairness, not every bride morphs into bridezilla. We have all been part of beautiful weddings where the ceremonies were meaningful, and the brides were easygoing and gracious. But, unfortunately, the bride who is depicted in this story taints the entire wedding experience for all of us.
The year of the bride is a test — a test of your inner strength, the weight of your friendship, and your own self-worth. This day should be celebrated, but not at the cost of your own value or your friendship. You don’t have to play servant in order to be part of her wedding. You don’t have to spend every waking moment discussing her wedding. Your life was important before her engagement, and should remain so throughout. Honor your friend, commemorate the love, but let your voice be heard.
