I’ve always been a “good girl” when it comes to drugs; you know like, the poster child for D.A.R.E. Even when my college friends were experimenting with E on Halloween and coke during a houseboat party weekend, I stayed away. I just said no. I never wanted any part of it and I still don’t. My father, who I hardly know, was a drug user. He was abusive to my mom and my brother and abandoned us before I was one year old. I associate drugs and people who use drugs with my father.
One of my closest friends has been on a self-destructive path lately from drinking too much and starving herself to drugs and sleeping around. And I’ve been there for her through everything: quitting her job, one-night stands, emotional drunken nights—you name it, I’ve been there. But I’m not sure I can continue to be her support system anymore. Not after what she did last night.
I woke up this morning to an inbox full of strange text messages from her, all from around four in the morning. So naturally, I was worried and called her on my way to work. However, I wasn’t prepared for what she was about to tell me. We had gone out earlier in the evening and she opted to stay at the bar when I went home. From the bar, she ended up getting in a cab and soliciting drugs from the driver. He happened to have a hook up and came through with the drugs—meth, to be exact. Then, they went to drop off his cab and get his own car so they could ride around the city all night and get fucked up. She doesn’t remember everything that happened and I’m sure she wouldn’t want to.
She realizes that what she did was dangerous and stupid. She also realizes that she’s lucky to be alive. She didn’t know the guy; he was just some cab driver with a meth habit. He could’ve hurt her, raped her, murdered her, or worse. I kept thinking to myself, what if she hadn’t come home at all last night? What if something had happened to her? And it makes me sick to my stomach.
I want to be a good friend. I don’t want to abandon her when she so obviously needs help but I don’t know that I can do it. I don’t want to be around anyone who would put me in dangerous situations or bring meth or other drugs around me. I want to feel safe and secure around my friends and not worry about them making such horrible decisions. But, how do I just abandon someone when she cries out for help? I feel this enormous guilt because, in my heart, I know I should help her but, in my head, I really don’t want to. I just want to walk away.
