Chris and I had become very close our freshman year. We talked on the phone a lot and through IM’s. We didn’t talk much in school except for in gym. I didn’t want my boyfriend Rick to see us. I knew I would have to deal with him freaking out about it. It was our “dirty little secret” as Chris and I liked to call it. We continued to talk a lot more and I found myself not caring about what happened between Rick and I, but that became a problem.
My parents told me we were going on a vacation to Bonaire. At first I was really excited. I heard and read that they had the most excellent scuba diving places and I couldn’t wait to go, until I got a phone call from Rick. I told him I was going on vacation and he twisted everything around and started saying things like, “Oh now you’re going to leave me” or, “Good I hope you find another boyfriend.” Just things that really brought me down and made me feel a lot of remorse about ever talking to Chris. I cried and told Rick I was sorry and I wouldn’t talk to Chris anymore but it just didn’t feel right. Rick and I decided to split up.
At first I was completely okay with it; I was still talking to Chris and he helped me get through it a lot, but I just couldn’t stop think about Rick. I decided to call him and see how he was doing. He told me he was going to go see a movie with another girl. I immediately felt the need to freak out. I thought how could he do this to me? I thought it was only a break? I broke down and felt completely helpless, I couldn’t do anything. Rick wasn’t my boyfriend any more; there was nothing I could do. He was a free man. I had no control, and I think that is what scared me. I told Rick that I needed him and that I wanted him back and he took me back. I felt a lot better after knowing he was mine again, until I remembered Chris. Poor Chris! What was I going to tell him? He had already spilled his guts to me and he told me how much he liked me and cared about me. Now what was I going to do? Just throw all of that back in his face? I did.
I emailed Chris while I was in Bonaire and I told him everything. Tears streamed down my face as I type the words, I’m so sorry. I will always love you. I slid the mouse over to the send button and hit send. I cried and cried thinking of how badly I messed up and how terrible I was for doing all of this. Now I had to wait and see what Chris would say, or, wouldn’t say.
