Children Becoming the Parent

First let me say that I am the “adult child of alcoholic parents”. For a great many years of my life I felt I was alone with this problem until I discovered the book with the above name.

Growing up was overcoming obstacles every day I can remember since I was about 8 or 10 years old. I never knew what I would find when I got home from school, so I always came home alone—no friends allowed. The same when I was dating. I would meet him at the car and leave him at the car.

My father suffered a brain hemorrhage and died when I was 31 and my mother had to come to live with my family. For years she continued to drink until we finally convinced her to stop because of my daughter.

My brother who was 12 years younger than I grew up in the same type household I did, but he succumbed to the alcohol and some drug use. The main problem my brother suffered through was Homosexuality and AIDS. He died of the AIDS virus due to an undetermined illness when he was 40 years old. Mother moved away from us to be near my brother. All the time he was so terribly sick, she took care of him until his death.

About 7 years ago, I convinced mother to live close to me and my daughter and her family. We found her a nice apartment for senior citizens not far from our homes. Two years ago she called me one day and said she had hurt her leg and needed to go to the doctor and asked me to take her, which I usually did for her doctor appointments. She had no idea how she hurt herself. I thought she was going to lose her leg the injury was so bad. We got her leg taken care of but I refused to let her return to her apartment to live. Mother had previously had 2 strokes and was getting more and more forgetful. She was not eating or taking her medication and was losing too much weight. The next trip to the Doctor all of this was discussed. After some simple tests, we were told she was in the beginning of Alzheimer’s disease.

Two months later we gave up her apartment and moved her things into my home. This has been a major turnaround in my life. At first, I had trouble accepting the memory loss. Sometimes I’d repeat myself 3 or 4 time in less than 10 minutes. She does not know my daughter’s name or that she is my daughter, but does recognize her and knows she belongs to us—just not how she belongs. The same is true for all of my grandchildren.

I have learned to accept this and cope with the day-to-day problems. Mother’s health is fairly good but she refuses to take her daily medications or eat properly.

I am a survivor and have been all my life. This too I will overcome. Thank God for his love and strength to provide me with what I need daily to cope. I also have several good friends and my family I can turn to for support and understanding.

I plan to keep mother with me until she does not know who I am or until she becomes bed ridden and I cannot physically handle her.

God bless any one else going through this disease that is so cruel to the patient.