He bound my ankles the same way. I was spread eagle and helpless. He reached into the nightstand, in the top drawer and pulled out a knife which he used to cut off all of my clothes except my shoes. He quickly took those off as well as my socks and tossed them behind him. He came back up to sit beside me and reached into the nightstand again. He withdrew a blindfold and a gag, both of which he tied over my eyes into my mouth. I was too shocked and afraid to fight him. What followed was the first of many episodes that did not involve sex but did involve pain, humiliation and fear on my part. I found out he thrived on causing others physical pain, especially in bondage.
For the first six months we were in Colorado it wasn’t too bad. I got a good job as a Chiropractic Assistant that I loved, he worked at the Air Force base as an instructor. I worked long hours so we didn’t see very much of each other, which was a blessing. But I began to put on weight and get very depressed. I’d never had a weight issue in my life up until this point. I was always thin. But by the end of my first year in Colorado, I’d put on nearly 100 pounds and was so depressed, I chose to be hospitalized psychiatrically. This was the first of what would end up being nineteen hospitalizations in a ten year period. It seemed like I was in the hospital more than I was out but my depression never got better, it only got worse because the root of the problem was never addressed. My husband and his sexual treatment of me.
By the end of the second year of our time in Colorado, I was no longer allowed to express any personal opinions. Looking him in the eye (or any man for that matter) was punishable, and when ever we went out in public it was required of me to walk behind him instead of with him. He picked out my clothing to wear when we went out in public and it was always dress that made me feel sleazy and dirty. My self esteem was shattered, I had no self worth, no opinions and no independence. If I showed any independence or voiced any opinions he was on the phone to my doctor telling him I was out of control and a new psychiatric med would be added or an old one was increased. I was heavily medicated and sedated at all times.
