Grandma: The Life of the Party

I hate to admit it, but my grandmother Char Char gets more action from men than I do. She's not your typical "granny;" she doesn't sit around knitting in a rocking chair or counting down the days until another grandchild is born. This nutty lady would rather go to aerobics and have her hair done. When she plays bridge at the country club, she's not there for the card game. Instead, she's looking to share a few bottles of red wine. Her brain is as sharp as her step: she can solve any puzzle on "Wheel of Fortune" and she stays current on fashion trends by subscribing to Vogue. Though her real name is Charlene, we all call her Char Char. I'm not certain how old she really is because as soon as she turned 80 she started counting backwards on birthdays. Recently when she went into her pharmacy to pick up a prescription, the pharmacist asked for her date of birth and she couldn't remember. He queried her name in his database and found two different birthday years – finally, all the lies had caught up with her. I remind her all the time that she has the youngest spirit of any elderly person I know, and she tells me that “the state of our life is nothing more than a reflection of our state of mind.” I’ve always held a special place in my heart for Char Char because she can relate to anyone. She acts and talks like she's 25 years old and her jokes have sexual and pop culture references. When she makes a bad shot on the golf course, she's not afraid to let out a few four letter words. Not that she hits bad shots often – she has a 12 handicap that any 40 year-old corporate salesman would die for.

Last year my mother had the unfortunate and embarrassing experience of walking in on Char Char, her mother, and her boyfriend Rush making out on the living room couch. She had dated Rush, who is 10 years younger than her, and another man simultaneously for an entire year. And get this: neither man cared that she was doing so. I'm telling you, this woman is a piece of work. When I had to introduce my boyfriend John to her for the first time, I was nervous as ever. “Char Char, I’d like you to meet John.