Butthole Stuffing

“Deep see fishing”, I thought. Why would she brag to this crowd who would likely never go on another vacation in their lives that she and the ragtime rookie were headed out on a big boat adventure? But as I looked at the faces of the ones who understood what she was saying, it hit me that they were likely living vicariously through visitors and any news or topic of interest shared with them from the outside world would make for good water cooler chat. So I let it go.

After she packed up her karaoke machine, she was on her way out when she made a final stop by my Grandma’s table. After she had satisfied her curiosity by discovering I was the wondering grandchild who had come “all the way from California” to help celebrate the season, she filled the air with useless dribble about how she had celebrated Christmas. My Grandma was happy to announce that her entire family had made it to her house, and told her once again that I had even made it there “all the way from San Francisco”. I felt like an imported wine. Once again, my reason for going there every year, whether I like it or not sometimes, had been justified and I was on cloud nine.

Then Snowflake assured her that family is a real blessing and spun a long tale involving most of her family members. Especially one daughter. Apparently the daughter had not been able to make it home for the holidays but had phoned the family just as they were sitting down to dinner. The daughter made the mistake of asking what was on the table and Snowflake captured the Moment for her. She was upset to learn that she was missing out on several of her favorite dishes especially chicken and dumplings. Snowflake told my Grandma, “She just loves those slick things more than anything. Well, that and butthole stuffing.” She had grabbed my Grandma by the arm and leaned in before she said the “butthole stuffing” part. They both had a private chuckle and Snowflake was headed out the door with karaoke machine in tow to entertain Florida I suspect.

What the hell is butthole stuffing? I mean what can it mean to Snowflake and my 84-year-old Grandma? I wanted to ask but felt a little embarrassed quite frankly. And like all things, it continued to wear me down until I had to get to the bottom of it.