When Vodka is Stronger than Blood

I’ve been intrigued by the idea of the urban family since I first heard it uttered by Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones’s Diary. Bridget needed to discuss her potentially scandalous affair with her boss so, she organized an urgent meeting of her urban family—two girlfriends and a guyfriend—over dinner and cocktails.

The beauty of Bridget’s urban family—and of urban families everywhere—is that they can provide insight and advice based on what they’ve learned about you simply by being your friend. They’re willing to dig down into the details and focus on the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of our lives that we’re not always comfortable sharing with our blood relatives. They don’t make judgments or recommendations based on your birth order; they don’t remember that you wet the bed until you were seven, and they aren’t calculating how much a wedding will cost in the event that a scandalous affair with your boss results in an actual marriage.

Nope, that baggage is reserved exclusively for your blood relatives. Of course you love them—and they love you. You’ve got a lifetime of history of that love and the stories, secrets, and fights that go with it.

But if you live far away from your family, as many of us do, your circle of friends also becomes your day-to-day life support. As friends, they have access to the same information your blood relatives have…and a lot of intimate details your blood relatives don’t have. They know the people you’ve had sex with, for instance. What’s more, they know if you enjoyed it. They also know that you had an abnormal pap smear and will ask you about it incessantly until it’s resolved. They understand without explanation why you’re relieved to get your period or why you’re devastated, and they don’t think you’re crazy if you’re a little bit of both.

There’s that little issue of obligation that sometimes comes with blood relatives. How many times have you heard, “But I have to. She’s my sister.” The implication is that without the blood tie of family, the pressure of doing something you don’t want to do isn’t an issue. You can make a choice.