When You Only Have Now

I have been going four times a week to care for my elderly aunt who is seventy-seven. She is my mother’s older sister by twelve years. She was always my favorite aunt growing up. She doted on us, always giving us treats. You could tell she simply loved children, and she loved us. It is a privilege to go and take care of her now and likewise alleviate some stress on her two younger sisters, not to mention receiving as well some needed monetary compensation. This aunt has some form of dementia. You can call it Alzheimer’s or not. The title isn’t important. But she is losing her ability to do certain things, remember certain events, and truly has no sense of time any longer. As a nurse I would have to say that she is not oriented to time. 

She doesn’t know what year it is. She doesn’t know how old she is. She truly doesn’t know how old her only son is either. She doesn’t know what day of the week it is most of the time. She confuses the present with the past and with the future. She can still do quite a lot for herself, but without her family she wouldn’t be able to live alone. This, of course, she does not realize. 

I am in my third week of going over to her home. It has been a blessing to me. I truly enjoy my time there. I feel as if she enjoys our time together too. I even got an e-mail from her son who said she called to tell him specifically that she enjoys my coming. Then, yesterday, a humorous situation was reported to me and it gave me pause.

I had brought my aunt some breakfast. We had eaten together, talked, and chatted nicely. I did a little light housework. We talked and watched a little TV together afterward then I left. It went well, or so I had thought. Her youngest sister, my other aunt, called me chuckling to herself to tell me something funny that my aging aunt had said. It was funny, but it also made me a little melancholy for a moment. This aunt had called simply to check in on her older sister and asked if I had been there. She replied saying, “Yes. She was here and threw a muffin at me and left!” My aunt of course knew I would never do any such thing. For me, though, I began to question what good I am doing.