Well, I managed to contact both the man I had loved for so many years, and one of the many friends, that I miss so much and at least say in not too many words, that what I was going through at the time I left the place I have talked about so much, was more than just the harassment from the manager they had had at the time.
I didn’t go into details about the abuse with them, but I did state some of why and then wanted to look toward better things that are happening in my life today.
I do try and stay positive, and I have a good possible job scenario coming up, but alas I am waiting for them to contact my references. That shouldn’t be a problem at all because I have good ones ... but it just a matter of getting a hold of them, or my references getting back to them.
By contacting my “old friends,” well it just made me feel better to let them know, that although it seemed like I was angry at them ... which I kind of was … but more angry for the lack of them being in my life, then I was directly at them personally.
I always felt like someone, some how was following me from there to, and well, that was unhealthy for me, especially for me.
Sometimes my world still seems surreal. Sometimes I feel like even my own family is talking to me in terms, well frankly I just don’t get. I would rather they just be my real family, the ones I used to know. They are good to me for the most part, but as far as my adult life is concerned, it is lacking here, majorly.
I don’t know if it is more them or if it is more me, but I don’t feel like I have free choices. You know the scenario, we want what’s best for you syndrome. Well sometimes I am the one who knows what is best for me, and I mean no offense, and yes GOD I know they love me, but everything since I returned … It wasn’t what I thought it could be. I want to be of some help and some worth around here, my Dad is not feeling the best, I try to fit in, but it get’s really hard, when no matter how hard you try and explain yourself, they just don’t get it.
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