Dear God,
Seventeen Sucks! No one gets it/me . . . whatever. Generally, I mean no harm to anyone, except when I feel unduly persecuted and like that cake, I’m left out. Kicked to the curb and hurt (yet again) and feel overwhelmingly sad, and then I feel terribly alone. It hurts losing people.
I know you know . . .
I am not an intrinsically horrible person.
I know you know,
but I could use your help in reminding me (and them) every now and then.
Who knows what the future will bring?
Okay, You do.
Despite all the stinkin’ messes that my parents and I are going through (oh yeah, and my boyfriend)
Can’t You just make them understand that I was only afraid when I stood there screaming and crying? It would really help if you could show up and help out when things like that happen! I mean do I always have to feel totally misunderstood, and unappreciated, and all blech?
I know all this sounds like my little sister, but these last seventeen years, I mean . . . I have had far too many losses in my life! I don’t know anyone else who has suffered more than me and isn’t it about time to let me have my cake and eat it too (low fat, please).
Okay, so I behaved badly in front of Father “what’s-his-face,” and I lost my nano in the parking lot (or Meagan’s car) so I shot myself in the foot by cutting Latin (but everyone hates the Latin teacher) and at least I drove Grandma far, far away to the nursing home after last Sunday dinner. In fact I even filled the SUV up with gas instead of leaving it on empty (I borrowed Mom’s credit card) and then drove directly home (very responsible) in order to apologize and to ask if I could borrow the car.
God, I’m doing the best I can! As always I know you won’t leave me, and when I think about that, I feel much more grounded and calm. I just wanted to thank you for sticking with me throughout my entire life.
I saw an early spring flower today, and it reminded me of you. Each new season reminds me of your “stick with-it-ness,” and it feels like you are still with me, never giving up hope for me. I promise I will always love you, and without question, I am dedicating and offering you my entire life.
You have always valued and loved me without question. That’s better than what my own parents have done for me, oh but of course you know that! Just after their marriage got annulled, Dad re-married my old babysitter, and moved to Vegas. Ugh, and then Mom (the witch) started drinking scotch twenty-four-seven and moved us into the Krapf’s trailer park off route twenty-four, the ugly one.
God, you gotta be laughin!
imagine,
You,
a member of my family.
seventeen years, and counting.
If you could do me one last favor, pour favor! When you’re done payin’ all this attention to me, do you think you could help those poor people in Africa? At least, I think it’s Africa. Where is Africa? My little sister says it’s in New York.
