The 4-Way is published monthly. Each column features dating questions from real readers, each answered from four different perspectives: straight woman, straight man, lesbian woman, and gay man. If you have a question for our 4-Way panel, please send it to them care of the editor at rbrown@realgirlsmedia.com.
Recently, I met a man.
I like this man. I don’t know him that well yet but he seems kind, smart, funny, and insightful. Oh, and he’s really, really handsome and my heart beats a little faster when I’m around him. And he’s sexy. Very, very sexy.
You might be thinking that I went on a date with this man god. But that’s where you’d be wrong. Why? Because he’s not available right now. This man has a situation that he says prevents him from asking me out.
Even though there’s not one thing in the entire world I can do to change said situation, I still threw out the topic to my urban family and Board of Directors to see if I could uncover some kernel of wisdom—anything—that might ease my frustrations and answer a few questions. Why do I always meet unavailable men? Should I continue to hold out hope? Should I become a nun? Should I pull an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have this apparently rare occurrence (at least lately) of charm and attraction erased?
The initial answers from my girlfriends went something like this:
“Forget about him.”
“There’s always something.”
“He’s not worth your time.”
“Dude, that sucks.”
Then, I talked to one of my guy friends and things got interesting.
“Well he likes you or he wouldn’t have ____. You’re playing it perfect, Rebecca. It’s not over. You should date as many people as you can because when you see him, he’ll pick up on it and he’ll be that much more interested. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
Doing? I didn’t know I was doing anything and I definitely wasn’t trying to play things a certain way. I was just going with my gut.
