On our first date, we went to a restaurant a block away from his apartment. He wanted to show it to me, so we walked to the corner across the street from his building and I tilted my head up, counting the windows up from the bottom, which was easy because he only lives on the second floor. I nodded, Yes, I see which one is yours, head tilted back, looking up.
“Do you want to come up and see it?” he asked, innocently, non-threateningly. And he lives in a green apartment in a green building, he even (often) uses the word “sustainable” in everyday casual conversation—don’t ask me how he fits it in, and so much, he just does, really seamlessly, it is one of the things I love about him—so that whole environmentally responsible angle contributed to making his offer more interesting than most, but still, I wasn’t tempted to break my First Date Rules, so I shook my head No, and Not tonight.
On our second date we went out to dinner in my neighborhood, so I purposely did not clean my apartment so I wouldn’t be tempted to invite him up, because I did (really) like kissing him, but I have Second Date Rules, too. And not only did I not clean it, but I don’t clean my apartment in the way that one doesn’t clean one’s apartment when one is not seriously dating anyone and hasn’t for a long time, and one does not expect to have guests. Ever. Which may seem sort of gross and why don’t I want a clean place for myself to live in? But honestly, it doesn’t bother me, I don’t even notice it anymore, and I am not the kind of person who finds afternoons frolicking with a spray bottle of Tilex the least bit fulfilling.
To further illustrate this point, I digress in order to present a random sampling of “not clean” things in my apartment:
- Sheets that haven’t been washed since right before the last time I had sex with my ex, so there is probably still ex-sex in them. And I haven’t not washed them in some weird deliberate stalkery way, like I want to get naked and roll around in dirty ex-sexed-up sheets or anything. Honestly, washing sheets, blankets, pillowcases, and that under-thing, mattress pad or whatever, and then putting them back on the bed by yourself, especially the part where you finally firmly secure the upper right corner and then the lower left corner breaks free, takes a lot of effort in a particular area that I happen to be lazy in.
