How Do You Get Through a Breakup?

AFTER A BREAK UP I FIND MYSELF REFLECTING ON THINGS THAT HAPPENED IN THE RELATIONSHIP, AND FINDING WAYS TO MAKE SURE THOSE SAME THINGS DON'T HAPPEN IN THE NEXT ONE. I EXPRESS MYSELF FOR ANY SITUATION THROUGH WRITING POETRY, SO I WRITE SOME OF THE UGLIEST THINGS I CAN THINK OF ABOUT THE GUY AND THAT HELPS. ME AND THE GIRLS GET THE MARGARITAS FLOWING, VENT, AND ENJOY EACH OTHERS COMPANY AND ADVICE.

Two things helped me immensely when I got divorced two years ago. First, I wrote a lot of really maudlin poetry and just completely embraced all of the emotions that I was experiencing. Once I'd gotten that out of my system, I got a good fire going in the fireplace and I took all of the letters he sent when we were dating and fed them one by one into the flames. As I watched them curl up and disintegrate into ash, I sang every song I could think of with any reference to fire in it. "Disco Inferno," and "Fire" by the Ohio Players worked particularly well. Any song about female empowerment will do the trick -- "I Will Survive," "I am Woman," whatever works for you. The feeling I had was that those letters contained all of the ideas that he had about who I was or what role I played in his life. By destroying them in a sort of cleansing ritual, I was saying "Now it's my turn to define myself and create my own role in my own life." The next morning, I was ready to get on with it!

It sounds a little masochistic, but I listen to all the songs that remind me of him until I can't stand the songs anymore. Then I delete them from my playlist, delete all his emails and delete his number from my phone. Then I do what Brie does: get really drunk, flirt, order a pizza, and call it a day.

Maybe it's not the best way to cope, but it sure is a fun evening: going out with your friends, having about five martini's while you madly flirt with whomever will give you two seconds of their time, drunkenly blubbering and bitching while your friends pat your head in the cab ride home, eating three slices of pepperoni pizza and then falling into a booze and cheese induced coma. Ah, to be young and in love.

Geez, hard to know while I'm still doing it. myself. But I guess talking about it with my two best girlfriends who also went through similar relationships and break-ups this last year. By sharing our commonalities we're healing ourselves. Red wine, chocolate, dancing, and new experiences and people in our lives are helping, too.

When I'm sad and missing someone, often I just want to be alone. It helps me a lot to write in my journal, or even just write a fake letter to him that I never end up sending. Just writing it out is a great release. I also find that going out with girlfriends, having some drinks, and just having a fun night is really helpful. My girlfriends have definitely gotten me through some tough times. Thank god for them and strong drinks!