Dating in Your Thirties: How to Date Fearlessly

You promise yourself that you will wait for the right man—that you won’t settle—and so, you continue to date. But when you meet a possibility, your fears take over and you wonder if you have the strength to jump in once again, or if you’ll allow yourself to lose control. You hate being thirty and knowing that you don’t want to “waste your time.”

What are we really afraid of?
One common answer is rejection. As one client, Amanda, says, “I am terrified that this relationship will end and that it was all for nothing. I mean how many times can you start over? Who has the time or the stamina?”

Another common fear is repeating past mistakes with a new relationship. Another client, Laura, who had been treated badly in the past, expressed her fear of meeting another liar. “My last boyfriend had a double life. It seemed he was devoted and wonderful to me. Then I found out that I was one of many women in his life. I was devastated. How can I ever trust again?”

Relationships challenge us and help us to mature. Oftentimes, they act as a mirror, highlighting the changes we need to make in our own life and the lessons we need to learn. Maybe the last guy we dated cheated and we were “too trusting” or maybe he was a “commitment-phobe.” Maybe we jumped in too soon or maybe you just weren’t right for each other. The truth is we have all been through something that has made us more guarded than we may want to be. But avoiding a potential wound will not protect your heart. It will only shut down your ability to love and to grow.

The key is finding the lesson in that past hurt and learning something from it. Don’t focus on the fact that you were cheated on and that no one will ever love you again. Focus on better communication and finding someone where both of your needs will be met. That relationship made you stronger. We have all suffered and yet, we have all survived. The truth is, when you meet someone worthwhile you will take that risk and you should—be fearless in your relationships, and you’ll find what you are looking for.