Curly and Single? How to Approach the Dating Game

Curly singles are bound to battle a recurring question: I’m gorgeous, fun-loving, and smart, so why am I still single? According to Nancy Slotnick, dating expert, author, and founder of Cablight.com, many women send the wrong signal—or no signal at all—to let men know they’re available. After all, you wouldn’t flag down a taxi if the cab light is off. Slotnick coaches women on how to turn their light on to make over their love life. In this interview, she offers advice for the curly girl, reveals the most common dating mistakes, and shows how to handle the increasing number of pick-up artists.

Q: What does it really mean to ‘turn your cablight on’?
Slotnick: It’s about an inner glow. You have a party going on in your head. Whether you’re wearing your curly hair or your straight hair, you’re still in a certain zone on the inside of what you’re trying to project. Sometimes it’s about faking it until you make it. Making it look like you feel confident, even if you don’t, is where your external choice about appearance comes in. Yet you want to make the inside match as much as you can. One way to do that is to put on music that gets you in the best mood when you’re on your way to a date or when you’re going out to meet men.

Q: How can women overcome self-consciousness of being curly?
Slotnick: Don’t straighten your hair just because other people think straight hair is in. If you love your curly hair, you should go with who you are. The right guy is going to respond to that. If you’re trying to be someone you’re not, you’re going to come across phony and the guy will be onto your game.

Q: Should women approach dating with a checklist?
Slotnick: I’m not a big believer in checklists. Know what you’re looking for and have three things that are deal-breakers, yet beyond that you should keep an open mind. Meeting the right person doesn’t just come down to a set of criteria on paper, it’s about chemistry and a lot of factors you can’t predict.

Q: What are the most common mistakes women make in dating?
Slotnick: Some women are too aggressive and some are too passive. Aggressive types treat it too much like a business, they start interviewing the guy and end up giving him a business card before he even asks for it. He’s not likely to call when you handle it that way. Then there’s the type who stands in the corner talking to her girlfriend all night, thinking if a guy likes her, he’ll just come up to her. She often leaves the bar without meeting anyone.