Dating and STD’s

Jeremiah B. Frogg and I were sitting at the kitchen table, well, WE weren’t actually sitting ... actually I was sprawled on the kitchen floor after drinking some of his homemade, rotgut wine, and between burps and alcohol laden exhalations that were so strong they would peel the paint off your Uncle Eddie’s ‘56 Buick, and Jeremiah was lurching around, bouncing off of the walls, we managed to have a discussion about dating and STD’s.

Jeremiah pointed out, rather succinctly, that there were so many diseases out there today, that you had to boil people before you could sleep with them. Now THERE was a concept I could grasp onto like a bulldog with a bone.

Finding a pot large enough to fit a human body in would be tough enough, so I opted for an old cast iron tub, then there’s the problem of getting your date tied, especially if she struggles, I mean all that whining and crying and begging ... OH PLEASE!

Anyway, then you have to make sure the water is JUST THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE, then you have to lift them up over the lip of the tub and ease them into the water, taking care NOT to burn yourself, then the problem is waiting just the right time length before extracting them from the water.

Now, here is where I would have a problem, frankly, I’m not good with directions, or calculations, do you leave them boiling two minutes or ten before any funky disease they MAY have is destroyed, then there is another problem that goes hand in hand with the timing thing, the whole time, your date is thrashing about, splashing water all around and creating one big mess ... and what happens if you leave them too long?

It would be really embarrassing if you left your date too long in the boiling water and when you went to retrieve them, an arm or a leg came off, then there is the problem of arranging them just so to have sex with them, do you use a pile of towels, a blanket or just toss a sheet on the floor and drop down and go for it or what?