Temporary Insanity

By: Chris Kennedy (View Profile)

Leaving the theater complex, we came to an escalator, where she ended up one step above me as we rotated down the metallic steps. She hugged me from behind and then jumped her legs up beside my hips in “piggyback” position and let out a whoop. This caught me a bit by surprise and I steadied myself so as not topple us onto what would surely be a painful fall in any direction. If we went backwards, I have no doubt the steel ridges and my body weight would’ve severely injured her spinal cord. If we went forward, no part of my body would escape unscathed. While to those around us it may have looked like a fun, whimsical moment, I was feeling nothing but anxiety and pressure. I nervously chuckled as we propelled dangerously closer to the end of the stair cycle. I felt an undoubtedly clumsy and playful landing was imminent. I said, “Okay, that’s the end of this ride. Let’s hop off the horsey.” She did just before the last few steps flattened out and I lunged for solid ground.

In the car, she checked her voice messages and asked me if I minded terribly if we swung by “her guy’s” house. The dealer’s place was close by. Yippee. She pointed out a rather nice building off a busy street. This guy was apparently doing pretty well, and probably didn’t need to work temporary jobs to earn the rent.

I waited with my hazard lights on in the apartment driveway while she ran in to make her buy. It was taking longer than I expected and I started envisioning every movie drug-deal-gone-bad I’d ever seen. Would I hear a gunshot and see her come running out, telling me to “step on it!”? When the day started, I was just trying to earn some extra money before Christmas. Now there was potential I was going to get shot at by drug dealer goonies. Not exactly It’s a Wonderful Life.

I was snapped out of my fantasy/nightmare by her opening the car door. “Thanks. Sorry.” She remarked how weird the guy was and how some of the people there gave her the creeps. I suggested that perhaps it wasn’t safe and she should consider not buying from him any longer. “Yeah, but he’s cool though. I don’t know.”

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Comments
posted: 05.15.2008
Mark Roddey
Now that was funny, Chris! I've been down that road before. It's always the kiss of death when that "Thanks for being such a gentleman" line is blurted, then she goes inside and bangs the hell out of her on again/off again insane boyfriend.
posted: 03.05.2008
Molly Mann
Thanks for sharing this hilarious story. Believe me, no one is judging you. We've all had "insane" dates. I could tell you stories.....
posted: 09.20.2007
Suha Araj
Thats so funny. I was at the movies the other night and this woman kept telling anybody who breathed to loud to SHUT UP. I couldn't help but wonder if the man next to her was dying a bit inside or if he had been with her a while and was use to her embarrassing screaming during movies. I like that you remained a gentleman under pressure, the sign of a good man.
posted: 09.20.2007
Erma Miller
Too funny. Those moments of "What the hell was I thinking?!" jump on you but you don't know how to back out. Sometimes, all you can do when you look back is slowly shake your head. Thanks for sharing.
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