The Reality of the Date Rape Drug – Educating Yourself and Your Friends, Part 2

• Anger and frustration
• Disbelief and denial
• Guilt/self blame
• Helplessness/confused
• Avoidance of friends
• Feeling paranoid
• Difficulty in concentrating
• Change in sleep patterns
• Sexual disinterest or change in sexual behavior
• Can’t stop crying or can’t cry
• Inability to cope with ordinary situations
• Problems with trust
• Depression
• Frenzied—involved in work
• Low self-esteem
• Reoccurring nightmares
• Changed alcohol or drug use
• Wanting to forget, escape or never get out of bed
• Eating everything or nothing at all

As you work through the healing process, keep these suggestions in mind:

• It is not your fault—you are not responsible for the unwanted sex.
• You are not the guilty party.
• Some people may try to make you feel responsible for what happened because of their own feelings of vulnerability or guilt.
• That you may have been intoxicated does not give anyone the right to assault you—nothing gives anyone that right.
• Acquaintance rape happens because the rapist fails to respect the victim’s individual will, not because of irresistible arousal.
• A rapist acts without regard for the victim, so saying no or even physically resisting cannot always be enough to prevent the assault.

How to Help a Friend Who Has Been Assaulted …  

• Let her make decisions. Offer to make phone calls for information, but don’t take over for her. She has just had control taken away and needs to regain it.
• Don’t touch her without first asking permission. Say, for example, “Would you like a hug?” or “Would you like to hold my hand?” A caring touch can help the victim but unwanted touching can be very uncomfortable or even threatening.
• Don’t blame her. Questions like “Why did you go home with him? What were you thinking of?” These questions will only reinforce her sense of guilt or shame.
• Let her know she is safe, and that you won’t violate her trust.
• Try to deal with your own reactions to the circumstances later. You may feel angry, helpless, confused, or violated yourself. Keep in mind that your friend probably feels all that and more, so seeing your reactions may not help her. Try to focus on her feelings. Later, when her immediate necessities are taken care, is the best time for you to take care of yourself and seek out a counselor. A sexual assault can be distressing for friends, and family members, as well.